December 22, 2002 - FanasyAnime loses first affiliate
[Mood:Hopeful]  Ugh! >_<  (fall downs anime-style)  My affiliate, (the other) RPG Classics, has officially been ass-raped by her host; it no longer exists.  Its popularity lead it to its grave because the bandwidth usage was far too high to handle on a free basis.  But all is not lost!  Its webmistress, Daria, is still my friend. ^_^  In my eyes, the glory of her excellent website and all of her hard work still lives.  In spirit, my FantasyAnime still remains her affiliate.  Besides, the internet still has CherryRoms and Cult of Kefka.

December 17, 2002 - FanasyAnime gains first affiliate
[Mood:Happy]  The moment would best be explained by my post on her forum... "OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!!! (struggles to catch his breath) Daria!!! (cries tears of happiness) AHHHH!!!!!!!! (dies) Daria!!! You affiliated with meee!!!! YOU'VE MADE SO HAPPYYYYYY!!!!!! You have given me such an unworthy honor!! (continues to cry tears of happiness) (manages to catch his breath) Wow... omg...  I can freakin die a happy man now! O_O This is like, equivalent to an obsessive teenage girl getting laid by her favorite Backstreet Boy. =P I'm so happy!!!! Thank you, Daria!!!!!!!!! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUU!!!!!! =D And I will continue to promote your glorious RPG Classics as much as I can. ~_^ (builds another statue in the Daria shrine in his closet)" ...my unofficial affiliate, (the other) RPG Classics, is now my official affiliate!  I AM SO HAPPE! ;D  This is actually old news, but the holiday rush & exhausting overtime hours at my job has temporarily deprived me of my journal-posting enthusiasm.  I talked to mistress Daria that same night over AIM.  And...  this woman...  is...  SO FUCKING COOL!!!! =D  I am SO her worshipper now!  I giggle like a little girl in a candy store every time I think about the reality of RPG Classics being my official affiliate, and now my friend. 

November 17, 2002 - Brianne
[Mood:Depressed]  I miss Brianne.  She was one of the awesome lesbians that I knew in high school.  I've shown her picture before, and here it is again (she's the red head).  Ah...  my memories of Brianne...  what an amazing woman.  She thought my little lesbian jokes were cute.  I loved her so much.  I will never forget her smile.  Heh, it exposed her braces. =P  But that smile was...  her.  Everything about her is so special.  She always encouraged me to do things I was afraid to do.  When I was down, it didn't take long for her to cheer me up.  Seeing her cuddle with Michelle was truly a priceless experience every time I saw them together.  It was just too cute for me to take. :D  I always had a great time whenever I was with her.  Alas, our level of friendship was still just acquaintance.  We mostly hung out during lunch and maybe between classes. We've talked on the phone a couple times and hung out once or twice, but we never had enough in common to get close.  I never had enough in common to get close to anyone. :*(  After high school graduation, she drifted away from my life. All I have now are my memories of her.  If those fade away, I only hope that I still keep the shining memory of her smile.  The smile she gave me when I made her laugh...  the smile she gave me when she said hello to me...  such a sweet smile...

October 23, 2002 - Observations
[Mood:Curious]  People sure do love to joke about how bad they are at things.  I guess its just human nature.  Everyone I've met in my life, at one point or another, say something negative about themselves as a joke.  I wonder if they're joking or truly mean it deep inside.  Phrases like "Oh if I do that then I'll definitely mess it up".  You know what I mean?  Most people put themselves down quite a bit and many times won't even realize it.  One person comes to mind, a fellow co-worker at my job.  She's computer illiterate and all the time I tell her how to do stuff on the computer she tells me "Ugh I'm so stupid! I'm terrible at computers."  I remember a depressed friend of mine from high school would always cry and ramble about her faults.  I've noticed that many girls have such a low self-esteem for their looks.  I always try to tell them how beautiful I think they are, but they never acknowledged those words.  Its almost as if they enjoy thinking they're ugly.  It makes me wonder how some people can live with themselves.  I wonder how they deal with conflicts during their day-to-day lives.  Or how they react to things that make them happy, or used to make them happy.  Its strange how some people totally jump from one emotion to a complete different one.  I wonder how other people appreciate music.  I especially wonder how impatient, temperamental people deal with their lives.  Those people seem to survive by being stubborn.  I also wonder how so many people can be so easily cold-hearted.  Like those who browse chat rooms looking for people to piss off and offend.  I wonder how many people in this world still have a conscious.  I wonder how people who still have a good conscious manage to live in this day in age.  Sometimes when I was with my friends ("was" is the key word), at one point I would just focus all attention to them and observe them.  I would observe how they talk, their actions, aspects of their personality, their smile...  everything that makes them special.  I can't help but to appreciate it all.  A friend's smile is one of the most priceless things I could ever experience.  I loved all of my friends.  But...  they're either too far away or don't have any time for me.  Well, wherever they are and whatever they're doing, I hope they're happy and treating themselves well.

October 16, 2002 - The human mind & the "life" of a ghost
[Mood:Indifferent]  In the spirit of Halloween, I will talk about my views on ghosts.  I believe in them and I don't believe in them.  I like to take both sides with subjects like this.  I need to talk about another subject before I continue with this one.  I've been meditating almost everyday ever since I was 5 years old.  I just do it to relieve stress.  During my high school years, I began to realize that all those years of meditating familiarizes myself with my mind, including possible enhancement of hidden senses.  The type of meditation I do basically just enters me into a state of pure thought without any distractions.  This state of thought makes it easy to think about everything.  Remember what I typed up on Aug. 3, 2002?  That's one example of the deep thought I get into.  Thinking about everything seems to naturally educate yourself about life.  I believe that we are all like radio stations.  We are constantly giving off energy which says everything about us and what we're thinking.  You know how best friends can sometimes know what each other is thinking?  That's because they've been around each other so long that they're used to feeling each other's energy, therefore, making it easier to read it.  The trick is to "tune into their radio frequency."  Its easier to tune into someone's mind when their emotions are almost as the same level as yours, ditto for talking to ghosts.  Its probably possible to see into the past because the energy we gave off in the past is still floating around.  And the future?  Its probably possible to see the future because the energy we gave off from the previous time we lived this life is still floating around.  Then that would contribute to my theory that time is constantly repeating itself, yet it never ends.  Coincidentally, these little things I've learned are already documented in books and articles about the mind.  Interesting, huh?  That probably means we all share some sort of bond.  Well this is all I'm going to say for the mind subject for now.  Everything else I've learned is somewhat controversial and not necessary to bring up now. =P  Back to ghosts.  Meditation has taught me many things about ghosts.  First off, they should be called lost spirits.  I don't have the slightest idea how you can end up being a lost spirit.  I can't even pick up clues to that no matter how hard I try.  Random people just end up being lost spirits.  Spirits are wondering pools of old thoughts in the form of energy.  In a given moment when a person dies and becomes a lost spirit, their soul leaves their body and takes with them a random collection of memories.  They don't have a mind and a body anymore so they have no consciousness or awareness of time.  The memories they naturally chose to keep is what determines what they'll do.  They might wonder around the world or inhabit a specific area.  They might have something they want to accomplish before they pass on or they just mindless wonder around for eternity.  I've had several possible encounters with lost spirits.  I've never actually seen one so my experiences could easily be passed as a hallucination or maybe my mind did it just for the hell of it.  I read in an article once that people can easily interact with spirits if they're in a state of heightened emotion.  That must be true, because in my case, I've had most of my experiences during my period of deep depression in high school.  During my points of meditation when I would enter a really deep state, I would feel a presence near me and begin to get a rush of images; these images were their thoughts.  Lost spirits don't talk, and many don't have memories that will allow them to be aware that someone is near.  You see, you would still give off energy like a radio station as you did when you were still alive.  The images from a lost spirit show you their memories, but the most vibrant memories are those of their death.  The abilities of a spirit can be compared to Final Fantasy 7's magic system.  Each materia has its own set of spells and possible new ones that can be learned.  With spirits, spells could be different types of awareness and they could be organized into bundled categories as with materia.  The memory of the way they looked in a mirror could give them the ability to morph and shape their energy into a visible form, hence the stereotype of visible ghosts.  The awareness of acts done during a heightened moment of emotion could be recreated.  For example, (I'm making this up) a prisoner in jail got pissed one day and threw some loose chains at a guard.  This moment made such a big scene that everyone was watching and the guard punished the prisoner.  This experience traumatized the prisoner so he never forgot it.  At the moment of this prisoner's death, he became a lost spirit and took the memory of this traumatizing experience with him.  This memory gave him the ability to grab some loose chains and throw them around.  If this memory was traumatizing enough then he would probably toss around chains for eternity.  (another example) Let's say you LOVE using the computer.  You'll go on the internet almost everyday for the rest of your live.  At the moment of your death and becoming a lost spirit, you would take your happy memories sitting in that desk and browsing the internet.  As a lost spirit, you will be sitting in that chair and staring at the monitor for eternity, faintly reliving your happy browsing memories.  Lets say people move the furniture from that room and give away the computer.  You may or may not be aware of this.  If you don't have any memories of awareness for this scenario then you'll just continue sitting in that spot where the chair used to be and staring at the spot where the monitor used to be.  If you have memories of awareness then you'll realize that the chair and computer have been taken away.  Then you'll recreate memories of heightened emotion until the desk and computer return to that room.  WELL I'll be concluding my views on ghosts now.  Everything I just typed up is my attempt to tell you what its like to be a lost spirit and how a lost spirit thinks without a mind.  This is some of what I've learned just by thinking about life and looking at the images that spirits have shown me.  Of course, as I said before, my experiences could easily be passed as just my mind doing stuff for the hell of it.  As widely documented as this stuff may be, there is never any hardcore proof.  Whether you believe in this or not depends the level of thinking you allow for yourself.  Want to try meditating?  Its very easy.  Just turn off all the lights.  Play a relaxing song that you like.  Sit down or lay down.  Close your eyes.  Think about something that has been bothering you or something that's been on your mind lately.  Really think about it.  If this thought was an experience, then recreate it in your mind.  Recreate it the way you wanted it.  Focus on this thought and don't let go.  Don't think about anything else.  You will eventually enter a trance.  Without realizing it, you will either continue with your focused thought or think about other things.  That's pretty much it.  I don't always start out that way, but its the easiest way.  When you open your eyes and look at the clock to see that 10-30 minutes have flown by, then that means you just completed a successful trance.  Meditating is quite a mentally healthy thing to do.  At the moment when you enter the trace, the random thought that you think about could be something that has been bothering you lately and you haven't even realized it.  The human mind is such a mysterious thing.

October 13, 2002 - Image Format Wars
[Mood:Argumentative]  I can't believe big gaming sites like RPGamer STILL use JPG for EVERYTHING!  Recently they made a review for SNES Star Ocean.  All of their Star Ocean shots are JPG.  Don't they even give GIF a try and compare memory sizes with JPG?!  When you save screen shots of classic games as JPG, the memory size almost doubles and the quality is lessened.  GIF is the way to go because the memory size is as small as possible and the quality remains the same as BMP.  Better yet, many GIF applications reduce the amount of colors to whatever degree you want so that a GIF takes up even less space.  I reduce the colors on all of my screen shots! >:D  And I do it just enough so that you can't even tell.  The only obvious sign of color reduction is in the SNES screen shots that have color gradients in the dialogue boxes like Final Fantasy 6 and Tales of Phantasia.  That's the only disadvantage, but it isn't too bad because the color quality of the main part of the screen shot is still retained.  On the other hand, screen shots with way too many colors easily get distorted when saved as a GIF.  This scenario is the only time the power of JPG is needed.  But, if you still want the sharpness of a GIF and wouldn't mind some more KB taken up, then PNG is your next image format of choice.  PNG has the sharpness of a GIF and the JPG's ability to hold lots of colors, the only disadvantage is a slight increase in memory size.  I rarely use PNG since JPG is more efficient for my non-GIF needs.  I believe my Tales of Phantasia world map is the only time I've used it for my site.  Once thing you should avoid is ZSNES's PNG feature!  Its terrible!  ZSNES's PNG images are saved with a gamma distortion (its brighter and the contrast is distorted) plus it takes up more memory size than saving them as PNG in another application like Adobe Photoshop.

October 4, 2002
2:00 PM [Mood:Envious] - To affiliate or not to affiliate
I wish I was good friends and affiliated with a webmaster of another good rpg and/or anime (and/or classic-gaming) website.  I've always wanted an affiliate like that.  So far I've asked (the other) RPG Classics and Flying Omelette's Kitchen if they would like to be my affiliate, and both declined.  Maybe my approach was too big-headed since I have a tendency to talk so highly of my site.  Or maybe its because I asked in an e-mail instead of becoming friends with the webmaster on their forum first.  Many good websites don't even affiliate.  Other websites seem to have such a good relationship with each other.  Other websites have such active forums.  I have didly squat. >_<  Google is the only thing keeping new visitors coming to my site.  I want more.  (sighs) I have so many needs that I haven't been able to meet lately.  But, you know what?  I'm going to try to appreciate what I have now.  I'm just wasting my time wanting more hits and making cheap attempts for some quick-hits.  Though my desire for more attention is strong, I will still try to appreciate what I have now.
7:00 PM [Mood:Argumentative] - Recent stuff & forum ramblings
Is it just me or has everything been so DULL lately?  Dull and depressing.  In the past couple weeks, three classic gaming websites have shut down: RomHacking.org, SnesAmp.com, and J2e Translations.  With J2e down, that means the Rudra's Secret Treasure translation is officially ditched.  Dammit!  I was really looking forward to that one.  RST is the FF6-like game by Squaresoft.  There hasn't been any worthwhile translation news lately.  There hasn't been ANY worthwhile gaming news lately.  All the people in the usual forums I visit are talking about stuff that I have nothing to say about.  And then when I start a new post, people rarely ever reply to it.  Am I really that boring? >_<  Some people on forums get really pissed at me.  They say I promote my website and other websites too much.  I don't see the harm or annoyance in posting web addresses to places that are related to the topic of conversation.  I hate it so much that most forums have such strict "advertising" rules.  Dammit, I wish my message board was popular.  I would allow everyone to freely promote whatever website they want.  Hell, I allow that already!  But sadly, my board is so unpopular that its highly unlikely for my message-board-freedom to make a difference on the net. =P

October 2, 2002 - Bahamut Lagoon
[Mood:Happy]  My Bahamut Lagoon website is finally online. ^_^  I've been working on it for so long.  I hope I didn't get too carried away with the 134 screen shots. -_-;;  It took me forever to decide how to design the main page.  I had to darken the sky and make it look stormy so that all the white text can be legible.  My most favorite part about my Bahamut Lagoon site is the fact that its the first and only Bahamut Lagoon website on the net.  Like half of the rpgs I cover are of rpgs that you won't find any other site dedicated to.  I seem to be the only person who takes the time to cover fan-translated rpgs.  The feeling I get knowing I'm providing such rare coverage for the net is priceless.  Well, my rival, RPG Classics, does cover quite a few of them.  I've mentioned several times in my journal how much I hate them and how unoriginal they are. >_<  But they're under new management now and many of their shrines are quite original and so informative.  They even cover some pretty rare games like Sega CD rpgs, but no matter how big they get, I'll never get jealous! >_<  Because I prefer to make my "shrines" graphics rich and full of media and various nifty downloads; and linking to GameFAQs to provide the walkthroughs and other game info for me.

September 29, 2002 - Customers are the worst people
[Mood:Indifferent]  I want to add some more detail to back up this sentence "At work, difficult customers always end up wanting to speak to a supervisor because my low confidence gives them the impression that I can't do a single thing to resolve their issue," so I don't sound entirely useless. -_-;;  No matter how confident you are, difficult customers will always be...  difficult, and stressful to deal with.  Experience is the only thing that will grant you ease with them.  Difficult Compaq customers were easier to deal with because they usually shut up when I repeat to them what the warranty can do in a given situation, but its different with Best Buy Home Delivery.  Best Buy doesn't have any set instructions or manuals for anything.  All that new employees know is what co-workers teach them.  Each of my fellow co-workers have told me slightly different procedures on how to do things.  Because of that, I have a hard time determining when a difficult customer should be granted a special exception that will satisfy their demands.  On top of that, I don't work well when I'm under pressure--and difficult customers sure do give pressure!  Here's an example of what one of my calls with a difficult customer would be like.
Me: (phone rings and picks it up) "...Best Buy Home Delivery."
Customer: "Hi. Yesterday I was given the timeframe 1:30-3:30 and right now its 4:00 and the driver still isn't here!"
Me: "I apologize for that. May I have your last name?"
Customer: "Fernandez."
Me: (looks up the daily list of customers and doesn't find that name) "I'm not finding that name on today's list. May I have your order number so I can bring up your information?"
Customer: "It's the same name on my receipt! Oh great, now I know something is screwed up with my delivery. I don't know where my order number is!"
Me: "It's on your receipt near the delivery date. It's a 9-digit number which starts with a 1."
Customer: "I don't see it! Can't you bring up my order another way?!"
Me: (quietly sighs to himself and takes the time to bring up a screen on his computer) "Okay. Which store did you purchase the unit from?" (I need the store number to search for orders by customer information)
Customer: "Best Buy!"
Me: "I mean the location."
Customer: "I told you! Best Buy!"
Me: "Did you purchase your unit from the Sawgrass store? Or Boca Raton or West Palm Beach...?"
Customer: "Sawgrass."
Me: (types in the store number) "Now may I have the phone number on the order? Area code first."
Customer: "954-786-2020"
Me: (types it in) "One order comes up and its under the last name 'Suarez'."
Customer: "Oh yes, the order would also be under that name."
Me: (quietly sighs to himself) "Okay, now that I have your information, please hold on one moment while I contact your driver." (looks up the driver and radio's him) "Leroy, baby! What's your ETA for stop 8?" (ETA=estimated time of arrival)
Leroy: "I'm on my way right now. The rain and traffic slowed me down, but I should be there in about 10-15 minutes."
Me: "Okay! Thanks, Leroy."
Leroy: "No problem, baby." (Leroy is one of those big pimp-ish black guys who likes to call everyone 'baby', I follow his fad whenever I talk to him =P )
Me: (gets back on the phone with the customer) "The driver said he's on his way, he'll be there in about 10-15 minutes. Traffic and all the rain delayed him. He apologizes for the delay." (I like to toss that last line in ;D )
Customer: "I WAS TOLD he would be here between 1:30-3:30!!"
Me: "That's the estimated timeframe our system calculated, but we cannot predict delays."
Customer: "What kind of company is this?!"
Me: "I apologize the inconvenience. The driver IS on his way to your residence right now."
Customer: (puts down the phone to talk to someone else but I can still hear them) "I can't believe this! They're so incompetent!" (holds up to phone to continue to talk to me) "I waited ALL DAY for this stupid driver to come to my house!"
Me: (...2 and half hours is a day?)
Customer: (makes some weird 'stress' sounds) "What can YOU do to satisfy me? I'm an unsatisfied customer!"
Me: (at this point I start getting nervous, I'm especially worried if the customer will ask a demanding question that I don't have an answer for) "I apologize for the delay, but I am unable to make the driver go faster."
Customer: "LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!!"
Me: "My supervisor cannot make the driver arrive faster either."
Customer: "I want to speak to your supervisor!"
Me: (ironically, difficult customers like to call when my supervisor isn't available) "My supervisor is not available at the moment. He's at the other side of the warehouse receiving a shuttle. He can give you a call back about 10 minutes."
Customer: "Isn't there anyone else I can talk to?! Someone who can DO something about this?!!"
Me: "Right now in the office, its just me another clerk. My supervisor will need to give you a call back."
Customer: "...HE BETTER!" (hangs up)
About 15 minutes later my supervisor would come back and I would tell him about the difficult customer.  He would then sigh and call the customer.  I would hear him say some clever things that I should've said.  Eventually, he offers to wave the delivery charge and (most of the time) the customer accepts that as justification for our "incompetence".  Really feisty customers like to use curse words and my supervisor gets to hang up if they don't stop cursing. >:D  ...well I hope you enjoyed my little example of one of my calls.  Don't get the wrong idea, my job is so easy and I love working there.  Its just that every once and a while I have to deal with a difficult customer.  No job is perfect. =P  What I probably could've done is offer to wave the delivery charge without waiting for my supervisor to do it, but I'm afraid to make "extreme" decisions like that on my own.

September 14, 2002 - Not good enough
[Mood:Depressed]  Everyone at some point in growing up hears this line "All that matters in life is to try your best".  I disagree.  Trying your best means nothing in the real word.  What matters is results.  You know what really hurts?  Knowing you tried your best but that's still not good enough.  That feeling really hurts.  I've felt it every once in a while at every job I've had.  A job wants you to produce visible results.  I quite my local community college about three months ago.  I can't handle their academics (Math, English, etc).  I admit that I'm too lazy for them.  I'm too lazy to put forth the effort to study so much.  I don't have the patience to set aside so much of my time to studying material that will almost never benefit my future.  College is definitely not a walk through the park.  Its requires WORK and dedication.  I can't handle that when it comes to learning things that I feel won't benefit my future.  The only benefit academics will give me is to fulfill requirements for graduation.  I'm still undecided with my future career.  I want either something with the production of cartoons or something with web design.  I want to take some classes that actually have something to do with my future.  I might try a place called the Art Institute of Ft. Lauderdale.  I hope they will meet my needs.  But most importantly, I'm worried about actually stepping out of my house and interacting with people in that place.  As I have mentioned before, I have no friends and all I pretty much do outside of my house is just go to work.  I believe the fears I've developed from staying inside too much have grown stronger.  I lose more and more confidence in myself as time goes by.  At work, difficult customers always end up wanting to speak to a supervisor because my low confidence gives them the impression that I can't do a single thing to resolve their issue.  (sighs) I need friends to gain more confidence.  You may not realize it, but socializing with friends gives you confidence to interact with people in real life.  My family and co-workers all have confidence in themselves except me.  I envy their confidence.  I wish I had some friends in real life.

September 6, 2002 - Eternal happiness
[Mood:Lost in thought]  I've recently just finished watching the Vampire Princess Miyu TV series.  It brings up some interesting aspects of human nature.  Miyu has the ability to give people eternal happiness.  To do so, she needs to suck their blood and take away their life (she doesn't literally suck their blood. she just puts her head in that blood-sucking position, and sucks up their life force I suppose).  Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to is the eternal happiness part.  One guy's eternal happiness is petting his cat.  One woman's eternal happiness is to watch her flowers bloom in her green house.  One teenage girl's happiness is sitting on a bench in a park, looking at a beautiful sky.  What would your eternal happiness be?  Whatever happiness you choose, you will never get tired of it.  You will do it for eternity and it will never stop making you happy.  My eternal happiness would probably be browsing my website.  I love to browse the fruits of my labor because I enjoy knowing that it spreads my love and happiness that video games and anime have given me.

August 13, 2002 - It's time for lunch
[Mood:Excited]  My RPG Lunch Break section is finally up!  It took me like a year to collect all those screen shots in it.  I have such a fetish for screen shots.  I capture screen shots from every game I play.  Its a habit from capturing so many screen shots from my favorite rpgs.  I hope people will take the time to play the games in my RPG Lunch Break.  Those games are the majority of my favorite for the SNES and TurboGrafx16 (TG16 for short).  The TG16 is actually a great system!  I wonder why its so unpopular.  So many of its games are so cool!  I wrote such good things about all the TG16 games I made reviews for.  Sadly, the TG16 is very weak in the rpg department.  On top of that, NONE of the TG16's rpgs were brought over to our shores.  The only title closest to an rpg is Cadash (which is an excellent game btw), though its more like action/adventure like Zelda.  I guess the TG16 is best known for its shooters.  I'm a big-time shooter fan so experiencing the TG16 is quite a memorable experience for me.  Anyway, I'm still slowly working on my Sailor Moon site and my Bahamut Lagoon site.  Its just that I was so excited about working on my RPG Lunch Break site that I wanted to finish that first.  This sudden burst of excitement came out of nowhere because I finally decided how I should put it together.  My RPG Lunch Break ended up to be one of my handful of abandoned sites that I never finished and wasn't sure if I would ever finish it.  Some other unfinished/abandoned sites of mine is my Final Fantasy Pink section and my FF9 section.  Final Fantasy Pink is a made-up Final Fantasy site with main characters such as Monica Lewinsky, Ellen DeGeneres, Linda Tripp, Michael Jackson, and Whitney Houston.  I planned to make fake screen shots and attack animations.  But my enthusiasm toward making that section has declined dramatically. =P  Maybe I'll finish it one of these days.  It would make a great laugh. ;D

August 4, 2002 - Betrayals
[Mood:Depressed]  There once was a girl named Sandra.  A Spanish girl, so sweet and innocent.  I knew her in high school.  She was a cashier at the Publix I worked at.  She sat in front of me in Math class.  We became pretty close acquaintances, almost to the level of friendship.  Sometimes she would sing for me.  I really enjoyed her company.  Her smile always lit up my day.  I admired her.  At Publix (the local supermarket), there was a bagger named Greg.  He's blonde, built and around 25.  A lot of people, including me, considered him a jerk.  He's short-tempered, always thinking of himself, perverted, sexist, lazy, and worst of all, close-minded.  Sandra and I would occasionally rant about the things he does which furthermore add to the negative impression he's shows to everyone.  Everything seemed okay between us, but Sandra had a secret.  She was in love with Greg.  I couldn't see it at the time.  She so easily talked bad about him to everyone whenever the subject of Greg being such a jerk was brought up.  She started to tell me stories of her seeing Greg.  That was an odd reality to grasp, but I still listened to her.  I wasn't sure what to say.  I was kind of in a state of shock, but I didn't change anything between us.  Then she began to distance herself away from me.  At Publix, I would see her be around Greg more and more often.  And I would see less and less of her.  When I attempted to talk with her the way we normally did, she wouldn't show much internet.  Then came the day when I quite Publix for my Compaq job.  At this point, we were so distant that the thought of me leaving didn't mean much to her.  Several months later, I came into Publix and spotted her.  Greg was with her but he walked away to do something.  I said hi and told her how things were going with me.  She didn't say anything about her.  In the middle of what I was telling her, she said "wow...  yeah..." in such an uninterested way.  She wasn't paying attention to me.  At this point I finally realized the position she wanted me in.  I concluded the chat and went along with my business in the store.  ...why Sandra?  Why did you betray our friendship?  Why did you choose me over Greg?  We could've still been friends...  I could've understood your feelings if you would have only given me the chance...  what I think doesn't matter.  What matters is your happiness.  I can understand.  I could've turned around my dislike for Greg, just for the sake of your happiness.  You should've given me the chance...  why, Sandra?  Why?  I have few memories of you now.  But I still remember your smile.  I remember it quite vividly.  It was one of the many things about you that made you special.  I don't hate you, Sandra.  I just hope you're happy with Greg, and I hope he treats you good. 

August 3, 2002 - Reflections
[Mood:Lost in thought]  Have you ever looked at yourself?  Try it.  No, I don't mean the way you do everyday.  Have you ever really looked at yourself?  That's what I want you to try.  In order to, first you must let go of your desires and fears.  If you don't do that then my words will just sound silly.  Grab a mirror.  Look at yourself.  Look at you.  Look at your hair...  your ears...  your nose...  your mouth...  move your head around.  Look at yourself in different positions.  Move your fingers through your hair.  This is how you look.  Now look at your eyes.  Ignore everything else.  Focus on your eyes.  What do you see in your eyes?  Have you ever looked at your eyes before?  Do your eyes show an emotion?  Do your eyes look happy?  Sad?  Confused?  Curious?  Whatever emotion they express...  this is you.  This is the real you.  Do you see anything else in your eyes?  Do you see any hopes?  Do you see any dreams?  How about some ambitions?  Everything is there.  Everything about you is there.  Now focus back on your face.  Now that you've seen your eyes, do you see yourself any different?  This is you.  Have you ever looked at anybody else's eyes?  How about the eyes of a close loved one or your best friend?  What do you see in their eyes?  What emotions are they expressing?  Will you ever truly understand what you see in their eyes?  When they smile, do you see anything?  When they're excited, do you see their passion?  When they cry, do you see their pain?

August 2, 2002 - More anime to pile onto the mountain
[Mood:Happy]  I just got Serial Experiments Lain (box set) and Golden Boy (both volumes)!! ^_^  Golden Boy is one of the most HILARIOUS anime series I've ever experienced.  Its a comedy about a perverted guy who makes a difference in the lives of attractive women.  Serial Experiments Lain is SO GOOD!!  It's VERY well animated.  The main character is so cute!  The storyline is GREAT!!  It's a science-fiction drama about a scenario of the world when it enters the age of technology.  I hear so much about this anime!  Its the topic of conversation among all devoted anime fans.  I just had to get it to see for myself what all the enthusiastic talk is about. >_<  Look, its Sailor Moon...   ~*(^_^)*~  ...speaking of her, my upcoming Sailor Moon site is getting closer and closer to completion.

August 1, 2002 - The ugly face of Hate
[Mood:Angry/Indifferent]  ARGH how irritating!!  Close-minded people piss me off so bad!!  I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING!!!  I just finished talking to some guy in a chat room.  He's a devoted rpg fan who's views are so close-minded that they're at such a disgusting level.  He doesn't like lesbians! >_<  Well, gays in general, but why lesbians??  That's so weird for a guy to hate lesbians.  That's actually kind of a scary thought!  I don't understand how people can think that way.  Lesbians are like the coolest people I've ever met.  They're so fun to be with!  I've enjoyed all my friendships with lesbians.  Here's a photo of a lesbian couple I knew in high school.  Don't they look so cute together?! ^_^  Their relationship wasn't a happy one though.  The girl with the dirty-blonde hair has very religious parents who forbid her to love someone of the same sex.  Want to know what I believe in?  I believe in happiness.  Everyone in this world deserves happiness.  People should be allowed to love WHOEVER they want.  Just as long as that love doesn't hurt themselves, hurt other people or break the law.  Happiness is such a precious thing that should be celebrated instead of hated.  Hate...  what an ugly word.  It's the most disgusting human emotion.  And in some parts of the world, people are so engulfed by hate that they even take away their own lives just to satisfy their cause of hate.  Speaking of hate, a character in one of my stories uses it as an attack.  Instead of killing a villain, he tortures them by showing them the face of their own hate.  Its such a painful experience that the villain falls to the ground screaming, curling up into the fetal position while shivering quite violently.  Btw, I'm still arguing with Thomax. =P  I wonder if he realizes the advantages of our forum argument.  People love to witness a fight or get involved into it.  It's only human nature to do that.  Hence why "real life" shows are so popular.  Thomax's fans will visit his forum more often just to see what's happened next.  Arguments/fights bring out the true colors of people.  Thomax's fans get to see that he's a human being, and not just some guy who maintains an FF5 site.  When the argument is over, the fans who witnessed it will now have a stronger interest for Thomax's site.  So thanks to me, I've helped increase his "revisit" ratio.  And the people who got involved to support Thomax might even become close internet friends with him.  Thomax will get a sense of comfort knowing his fans care for him.  I do something like this for my site already.  You're reading it right now. ;D  I have an online journal to show you that a real person maintains this site.  I also have this because I occasionally get the desire to ramble about random topics that have been floating around in my mind.  I've been involved in so many internet arguments.  I know what to say and what not to say to protect my ass.  I can almost predict all the events that will occur.  The biggest internet argument I've ever had was with the game translator, Neill Corlett.  He's probably most well known for his work with Dragon Quest 5 and Bahamut Lagoon.  The argument took place a year ago on RPGd's message board.  The first post was something about the J2e's Rudra's Secret Treasure translation (which is about halfway done btw).  That game is so GODLY!  I will die a happy man once I've experience that Squaresoft SNES RPG in English.  I replied to that person's post saying how much I'm looking forward to that translation's completion.  I also talked about how awesome the graphics and music are.  Neill replied to my post saying how stupid people like me are who only appreciate a game by its graphics.  I exploded in my reply to that. =P  Then Neill exploded in his reply to that.  This argument lasted three whole weeks.  Like 50 people got involved into it.  I was somewhat new with message board arguments so I totally lost and was tossed into the abyss of utter humiliation.  I indirectly revealed so many weaknesses that other people took advantage of to pound me with.

July 30, 2002 - FantasyAnime Vs Thomax's FFV Page
[Mood:Frustrated/Confused]  I have a big situation with Thomax's Final Fantasy V Page.  I'll tell you the whole thing from the beginning.  The first month my site was resurrected from the dead, I decided to update all of my links sections because almost half of my links were broken.  I was devastated!  I had no idea all the excellent classic rpg sites that I linked to ended up shutting down and get replaced by the infamous IE message "Page Cannot Be Displayed".  So I spent several weeks browsing the internet and searching for other classic rpg sites to link to.  My search was so tedious!  You'd be surprised how dead the online classic rpg community has become.  I've concluded that the only classic rpgs that are still backed up by a decent amount of fan-based sites are Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana, Seiken Densetsu 3, and the Shining Force series.  And then there are like 5-billion Final Fantasy sites; most are only dedicated to FF7 and up.  Anyway, I linked to all the classic rpg sites that I managed to find.  I e-mailed all of them requesting a link exchange.  About half of them replied and generously posted my link.  I like to become friends with all the rpg sites I link to. ^_^ It gives me a sense of hope and harmony among the slowly dying classic rpg community.  And I promote their websites (along with mine of course ;D ) every chance I get because I want to spread the wonders of the classics as much as possible, as well as bring in some hits for my buddies.  Everything was fine and dandy with all my updated links sections.  Fine and dandy until Thomax e-mailed me. -_-;;  He said he didn't like the humor in my FF5 fanfic so he decided to remove my link from his links section.  That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of!  Out of all my years online, I have never met a webmaster who has refused linkage to my site just because they don't like my humor.  And my FF5 fanfic isn't even that bad! >_<  I think its PG-13 since I only give hints about "adult-related behavior" because I never go into detail.  He loved my site at one point and then all of a sudden the hard work I put into it meant nothing.  We had several e-mail arguments.  In them, I pretty much told him that his judgment is childish and close-minded.  And he pretty much told me that all rpg sites must be G-rated.  Normally in situations like this, I would just calmly conclude the argument and forget about it.  But this time was different, I still had the memory in my mind of the trouble I went through looking for FF5 websites to link to during my tedious search of classic rpg sites.  I said to myself "Noooo! RPG sites need to stick together or else we might share the same fate as other good classic rpg sites!"  My next course of action was somewhat tricky, I decided to satisfy his need for G-rated purity by removing my FF5 fanfic, then later putting it back hoping he won't notice.  It worked and my link once again was posted in his links section.  I put my FF5 fanfic back up a week later...  and he eventually found out. =P  My link was removed for the third and final time.  Tricking him sure was a mistake cause it gave him a really bad impression of me.  I made some attempts on his forum to change his mind, but my attempts failed.  I can't remove my FF5 fanfic permanently because that would go against my originality; doing something just to be accepted.  Thomax is now the first webmaster of the classic rpg community to hate me. :*(  But I don't hate him; I even still have the desire to be friends with him, if only he would give me the chance.  He needs to understand that my perverted humor doesn't reflect my personality.  My link to his website is still there in my FF5 links section, under the "Excellent" category.  Through the eyes of a webmaster, I can't deny the hard work and dedication he put into his website.  My goal is to spread the wonders of the classics.  I want everyone to experience the happiness rpgs have given me.  Part of this goal is to link to as many of the remaining classic rpg sites as I can.  Its crucial for our survival for all of us to stick together.  For this reason, Thomax's link stays.  I've explained my goal to Thomax hoping he would see what I'm all about and reconsider his decision...  but...  he didn't seem care about that. :*(  I want us to be friends.  I want to be able to treat him as if he was one of my affiliates, just like how I do with all the other sites I link to.  I'm sure one day things will turn out okay between us.  I have a tendency to become friends with my enemies.  Like my supervisor at work. >_<  He has a tendency to say some pretty mean things when he's pissed.  His remarks offended me on several occasions.  But we worked out our differences and I now enjoy working with him.  It's gotten to the point that I'm totally comfortable with him talking to me when I do something wrong.  Like accidentally canceling the delivery of an HD-TV when it should've been billed. -_-;; Anyway, Thomax concluded our feud by saying "This is MY site and MY rules."  (sighs)  ...This situation does have a lighter side though. ;D  The frustration from our clashing views gave me the enthusiasm to remodel half of my entire site and speed up the progress of my upcoming Sailor Moon and Bahamut Lagoon sites.  =D

July 9, 2002 - Demons
[Mood:Depressed]  Today I've decided to post something besides my usual ramblings about my website and interests, something that's actually personal.  I have no life.  Literally.  I've only socialized a couple times the past year and a half.  My social life left me when my only two close friends, April and Karen, moved away.  I miss April so much.  I have a picture of her and I in my "about me" section.  I miss all the great times we've had together.  All these months alone makes me charise my memories with her.  I've noticed that I make good friends with talkative people.  Because their stories encourage me to talk.  I'm one of those quiet people.  I don't mean to, its just almost no one likes anime and classic video games.  April and Karen aren't interested in that but somehow I managed to become good friends with them.  I'm especially surprised that I became good friends with April!  April is one of those rare people who become friends with EVERYONE.  And since we both worked at Publix (where I met her), I got to see how she interacts with customers.  Every person who went through her line (she was a cashier) came out with a smile.  Many people complimented her efforts to the store manager before they walked out.  April is just such an amazing person.  She's incredibly nice and has such a sweet personality.  And out of all the people she made friends with, she chose me to be her close friend.  I miss her so much.  I'm so lonely without her.  I'm trying to make new friends but that's not easy when the internet is my only resource.  Most people on the net looking for friends just want to get laid.  Ughh my co-workers at the Best Buy warehouse aren't helping my situation much.  They're all nice and good to work with but they don't know how much they bring me down whenever they talk about me.  They think its "not normal" for someone to like such "bizarre" things as anime and classic video games.  Some even find it somewhat childish.  They say I need to go out drinking or go to night clubs to become "normal."  This just goes to show how close-minded they are.  I'm an artistic person, not necessarily with my drawing skills, but I have an artistic mind.  Artistic people don't normally go to night clubs with the single-minded objective of getting laid.  (sighs) I'm so lonely that I almost feel like crying.  I haven't socialized with anyone for so long.  If I never moved here 6 years ago and still lived in Miami then I would definitely have an active social life.  But as life likes to screw people, all my friends have left me.  If it wasn't for my job then I would have some serious problems.  People who never go out develop dangerous fears.  I've developed a couple fears but, luckily, they're not as serious as they could be.  April made me so happy.  You know what I hate most about life?  You never truly appreciate something until its gone.  Aspects of life CONSTANTLY remind me of that phrase.  I have actually met one person who could be my friend.  His name is Richard; he actually lives close to me, like 10 minutes away.  I met him at LiveJournal.com.  That place is actually a good resource for FRIENDS (since every other place just has people looking to get laid).  Richard likes anime and classic video games.  I haven't gotten to know him good yet so I don't know how much he's into them.  But most importantly (as with April and Karen) he seems like the type of talkative person that will encourage me to talk and be more out-going.  There is one problem though, he seems like a very busy and popular person.  We have occasional talks over the internet but he seems too busy with his life to fit me in.  I wish I was in his place...  I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have such an active social life.  All my acquaintances from high school are too busy to fit me into their lives.  They don't care about me.  I'm just some guy who "obsesses over things no one has heard of."  Only my family still cares about me.  That's one thing good about life, family is always there for you.  I appreciate my parents and all that they've done for me.  That past couple years I've bonded with my parents more than I ever have.  I don't hesitate to tell them details about my life.  Most of my life I was never too close with my father.  But now we talk quite frequently and I come to him whenever I need advice with various things about life that I'm not familiar with.  ....So that's things are at this moment.  I'm very lonely and the few people I know don't give a damn about me.

July 6, 2002 - Renovations: The Graphics Improver
[Mood:Happy]  Wow it feels GREAT to finally renovate my "older" sections.  As mentioned in my "What's New" section, I've remodeled Final Fantasy 4, Final Fantasy Legend 3, Tenchi Muyo RPG, Magic Knight Rayearth, Final Fantasy Adventure, Secret of Mana, Tales of Phantasia, Terranigma, and Revelations: The Demon Slayer.  My FF4 site was actually renovated a week ago but I decided to announce it with all my other renovated sites.  Yuck my FFL3 site had the same old design for years.  It feels great knowing it looks so pretty now.  I LOVE the way I renovated my Tenchi Muyo RPG and FF Adventure sites!!  Those bouncing guardians and aggressive rabites are so cute. ^_^  My Magic Knight Rayearth site now looks somewhat professional.  My Secret of Mana site look so much prettier now!  Before the banner links were somewhat blocky but now they're so smooth.  Bah I'm not too proud of my Terranigma's renovation.  It does look better than before but I was aiming for something better than that.   I love the way my Tales of Phantasia site came out!  I tried to give a feel as if you're exploring the forest of the Tales of Phantasia title screen.  Ah and my Revelations: The Demon Slayer site was the one that went through the most transformation.  Its old design was mostly text BUT now its looks quite impressive.  I was totally stumped as to how I should redesign it.  I finally decided to just toss in a digital wallpaper and slap text onto it.  Heh, digital wallpapers are like the "instant oats" of web design.  ;D  Now I can sit back and relax knowing all my sections have generally the same quality of design.

June 17, 2002 - Ramblings from present to past
[Mood:Happy]  Wow!  FantasyAnime has been online for about 3 weeks now.  My new host is treating me great so far!  No hidden charges or cheating me in any way (so far).  I'm still enjoying my comfy Best Buy warehouse job.  Last weekend I got the Sailor Moon S series on DVD!  Yes I still like Sailor Moon.  Stop laughing!  I've been religiously watching it the past couple days.  Sailor Neptune, Uranus, and Saturn are SO my favorite Sailor Scouts!  The dubbing is TERRIBLE.  You'd be surprised how much they cut out.  They cut out every single hint of female same sex attraction.  How despicable!  But good thing anime DVDs also got subtitles.  Michiru is so talented...  (dazes off into a fantasy) and Hotaru is so cute and so innocent...  oh how I adore them both.  Oh by the way!  I've been collecting screen shots while watching my Sailor Moon S DVDs.  I plan to resurrect my Sailor Moon site!  Yes its true.  But sadly, I've decided that my Sailor Moon site will be the only new addition to the anime part of my site for a long time.  Why?  Because my screen-shot-filled anime sites suck up a lot of bandwidth and I'm not too sure exactly how much bandwidth my new "unlimited bandwidth" host will tolerate.  Yes its true.  I signed up with a host that promises unlimited bandwidth.  Yes I know I know.  I've read articles about it, that unlimited bandwidth doesn't exist and hosts who offer it are lying.  But I'm willing to take the gamble because hosts that do charge for bandwidth make me pay like $1,000-$5,000 a month for exceeded bandwidth costs.  BUT like I mentioned in the beginning of this post, everything is okay so far!  My site loads fast and I haven't been hit with any hidden costs.  That's all that matters. ^_^;;   I had a random thought the other day.  Deep inside I still don't believe that I drive.  I've been driving for three years now!  Its such an easy thing to do so by now;  I'm totally used to it.  Ughh driving has always been such an unreachable thing for me.  I felt like I would never reach it.  Especially since my parents let me start driving AFTER I graduated high school.  That was tough!  Looking at my fellow classmates happily driving around while I was stuck riding in an over-crowded bus.  The only thing that sucks about driving is that once a month you need to give up like half of your paycheck to pay for your car insurance.  Fortunately, I still live with my parents so that's the only major bill I have at the moment.  I don't have any credit cards.  I have a debit card!  I can use it as a credit card but I always need to make sure I have money in my checking account before I use it.  Especially when I spend most of paycheck on anime DVDs. ;D   Having money to spend is great but (like every other thing in life) great things come with great responsibility.  I say BAH to responsibility!  BAH to it all!  Power to the people!  Brotha's and sista's raise your hands!

May 27, 2002 - I'm back!
[Mood:Excited]  Wow!  Now where has the time gone.  Hmm so many events have happened since I last updated this section (like a freakin year ago).  I just haven't been in the mood to talk about stuff.  As mentioned in Nov. 17th, I sent away my precious laptop to Compaq and got it back within the next 4 days so that story had a happy ending.  My site has been offline for many many months.  My last host decided to take me down for no apparent reason.  And then they broke contact with me for no apparent reason.  Now I finally got another job so I can afford a host.  I work at a Best Buy warehouse!  IT'S GREAT!!  This is the best job I've ever had!  Its easy and the people there are awesome.  I still handle the occasional bitchy customer over the phone but that's nothing compared to the massive bombardment of bitchy Compaq customers.  My favorite co-worker there is this middle-aged Bulgarian woman.  She's my hero!!  She's so hilarious and (unexpectedly) so open about her sex life.  She has a really strong accent and customers over the phone think she's a Spanish woman (this is South FL so pretty much every person with an accent is Spanish).  I love the way she talks with her accent.  I drew of picture of her saying her most famous line and then her famous laugh.  Click here to see it.  I still have an addiction to anime DVDs.  I have close to 100 now.  Not too long ago I finished watching the Cowboy Bebop series.  WOW that's definitely one of the best anime series I have ever seen!  Each episode is overflowing with originality.  The storylines are so artistic.  The art and animation is breath-taking.  The character development is very well balanced.  LOL, Edward is my favorite character!  She's so crazy.  Recently I've been purchasing as many PSX RPG titles as I can before they get rare.