■December 17, 2005 - College conclusions

[Mood:Reflective] Now that time has passed and the negative feelings lost their grasp, it was easy to deduce what exactly caused them to happen. How I felt in my previous entry is not how I normally think. The stress and anxiety from the senior presentation overwhelmed me, making me worry about everything, and to an unnecessary extreme. It was the most important time of my life, after all. So, I am human. :P

Anyway, what's done is done. What matters most to me now is that I have a college degree, a BFA in Visual Communications. I had hurdles here and there, but overall, it was easy. I had a great time, I didn't want it to end. Interacting with many different passionate people was a pleasant experience. I regret not getting some people's numbers.

■December 16, 2005 - My Senior Presentation

[Mood:Depressed] So it finally happened, my senior presentation. It turned out great, actually. But... well... it left me depressed. Oh, but before I get into that, I should explain what exactly these senior presentations are. When a Viscom (Visual Communications) student graduates AIU, before they leave they are to take the "senior project" class. In this class they need to work on a project that reflects their passion and everything they've learned. Like, people going into photography display a set of photos with a theme. People going into graphic design usually do a magazine. Next they take the "senior portfolio" class, where they are supposed to finish up their senior project and prepare a professional portfolio. At the end of this class, one by one, each student is to present their project in front of the dean (the boss of the Viscom department) and all of the main Viscom teachers. Their project and portfolio will be critiqued, then a final grade is marked. If a student presents a poor project or if errors are found, then they are chewed up badly. These presentations are not an official class day, so attendance is not mandatory. Also, these presentations are open to the public; anyone can attend. Even so, only fellow students ever attend, usually around five or ten, so it's not like people come off the street to attend. After the senior presentation, the student is done. Next comes the graduation ceremony. If you're curious about the project I did, you can experience it by going to Illustrated Ramblings (click on "senior project"). I need to vent about my presentation. First, I'll explain why the experience hadn't been as positive as I had hoped.

1) On Wednesday and Thursday I attended all the senior presentations; 10 total. I met up with a lot of fellow students. Around ten or so promised me they would attend my presentation on Friday at 4 PM (I'm last). Only one of those people came, and he came late, which wasn't his fault; it was too late for him to enter the room. Their absence hurt my feelings (excluding the late guy). Most of those people were presenters, I took the time to attend their presentations. I thought their work was great and gave them praise. Yet they missed my opportunity to shine. It made me really happy when they promised they would attend. It went like this...
Them: "So what's your presentation on?"
Me: "I made a 10-minute movie. It has lots of 2D and 3D animation."
Them: "Cool! I'll go see it."
I know people shouldn't be trusted so easily like that, but, well, senior presentations are such a happy thing to see, I got so caught up in the excitement. It's when students shine with a project that reflects their passion. It's a beautiful thing. Also, these are people who've been in several of my classes. We're quite familiar acquaintances. (sighs) They let me down, and I feel so bad about it.

2) Another guy who created a cartoon (his name is David) did it very well. It had voices and quite a lot more animation (my animation was mostly slideshow-ish). If I would've known what David was doing, I would've been driven to do better. That's the key to my enthusiasm, seeing competing work makes me want to do better. Unfortunately, I was in a different senior class and had no direct competition. Anyway, David had the largest audience (around 30 people), he got three standing ovations, a fellow female student who's most important to me attended his presentation and not mine, and the dean stood up to the front and gave an appreciation speech, saying things like "David is a perfect example of the essence of what students should have at AIU". The dean did not give such a speech to anyone else. I was hoping he would give me a similar praise. Now, don't get the wrong idea, I didn't want him to do the exact same thing for me or something better, just something that would make me special from others. You see, I've received high praise in all of my previous design classes. I was looking forward to a high praise in my senior presentation, to act as the cherry on the cake. Instead, the dean gave me his 'generic' speech that he gave to all other students who did a good job. I attended enough presentations to tell. But what irritates me is that David's story was practically a carbon copy of Samurai X. My expectations weren't met. :( All I wanted was a satisfaction to conclude my previous succession. I remember that David's way more of an attention whore than me. On the first day of the senior project class, he was showing off an early clip of his movie (note: the class was split up after the first day to decrease its number, and David was placed in the other class). (sighs) But I can't hold my jealously for long, I know his attention whoring is a good thing. It shows he has a strong passion for what he does, and there's nothing wrong with that.

3) One thing about the senior presentations is that not all the main Viscom teachers attend every presentation. I suppose they're not required to. Other students are grateful for that, but I'm not. These teachers are role-models to me. I don't view the presentation as something I need to do to graduate, to me it's an honor to present my passion to the teachers I admire (and I said those things in the beginning, too. (Maybe that's why the dean didn't give me a higher praise, he might've thought I was brown-nosing...)). Anyway, the point here is that two teachers who are very important to me, who attended many other presentations, did not attend mine. :( Although one of them, Mrs. Killigan, did tell me in advance that she wouldn't be able to make it. But still, I missed her presence dearly.

4) My cousin and other aunt couldn't make it, their car broke down. :(

5) This is the last reason - myself. I made mistakes. I have regrets. Speech-wise, I'd say I was 75% prepared for this presentation. It wasn't enough to completely nullify my nervousness, so I was forgetful (what usually happens when I'm nervous). As a result, there were a few important things about the cartoon's story that I forgot to mention. I made many um's and ah's, and had moments when I didn't use proper wording, making my explanation confusing. What I regret the most are these two things: (1) after showing the movie, I forgot to explain unexplained information (the movie itself was a teaser, after all) to conclude it, and (2) I began talking about the summon beasts of the Earth kingdom as if I had already explained what they were, which I didn't.

So that's why I'm depressed. Boiled down, my expectations just weren't met. The importance of the presentation made me want everything to be perfect. I must point out, though, things that I should be appreciating. I'm just overwhelmed now with the bad things that happened to appreciate the good things as much as I normally would. So here they are:

1) My whole immediate family did attend; my parents, my brothers and my auntie. My friend Darren made it as well. They gave me nothing but support and praise.

2) The biggest shock of all was from my middle brother. We seldom see each other (and we live in the same house) and he rarely ever gives me any attention - unless I take the time to walk to his room to talk to him. The past two days have been strange, he showed me an intense interest for my project. At one point he even gave me a short appreciation speech. He told me how proud he was of me.

3) Afterwards, my parents and auntie surprised me with a few gifts. My parents gave me a fancy engraved name plate for my future work desk and a new alarm clock (I've been needing one). My auntie gave me a deluxe travel bag. She said "So now you have something to use when we travel next year".

4) Lastly, the evening was concluded at my favorite Thai & Japanese restaurant, where I enjoyed a sushi dinner (I -love- sushi, but even sushi didn't quell my hurt feelings).

5) I suppose I should mention some praise that no one else received. The dean and Viscom teachers (only 2 were there) did say it was evident that I am good with computers and with combining creations from multiple programs. Kessle (the only teacher of the "senior project" and "senior portfolio" classes, who attends -every- presentation) mentioned that I always come to class on time. The dean told me I'm good with compressing mass ideas to an outcome that needs to be much shorter. Then they told me the generic stuff they told the other good students "You're a great student. It was a pleasure working with you. You're sure to be successful." etc. But it wasn't enough for me, their feedback and the way they said it was normal from other presentations.

That pretty much sums everything up. It might sound selfish, but keep in mind that I am a passionate artist. No artist can escape the desire for attention for their work. The more passionate the artist and the more work they put into a project, the more attention they crave to justify all the work and dedication. No, not just artists - all of us. Those of you who work, don't you crave attention all the time you put forth special effort into a task? Doesn't it bother you if someone else gets the attention you want, especially if they got it for less effort? In my case, it was David's unoriginal ideas. I'm not asking for much, I at least wanted a margin of the high praise he got; and attendance from those who promised to come.

■December 13, 2005 - Public speaking CHAOS

[Mood:Flustered] So tonight was the night our group presented. So were we victorious? Not quite. >_< First of all, we waited till the last minute. We're all guilty of that. My reason for waiting was because I had too high hopes for my idea, believing that it was really easy. Most importantly, we never did a rehearsal. Reason being was because the script and Powerpoint was finished too late. To make matters worse, the other group members had somewhat tight schedules, not making it easy to meet. Ugh, we had so many great ideas. To refresh your memory, our presentation was about a service that modifies all the devices in your house to be controlled through voice recognition technology. The presentation was supposed to be like this (there are 5 group members):

1) It begins with a stressed mother walking into the house. She struggles to do things like turn on the lights and get the phone; cases where she would need our technology. Two other group members would also pretend to be children and bug her. The mom would then trip over a control, accidentally turning on the TV. At this point the Powerpoint presentation would start.
2) I step in and introduce the company like an annoying announcer. As I do, off to the side the group  members acting as children walk toward the front. Eventually, they'll be switching roles and join in presenting the product. Also, the mom will be commenting to my speech. Like, I'm saying "Are tired of struggling with household tasks?", then she replies "Yes!!". Throughout the presentation, the mom will continue agreeing and being amazed.
3) The first 'ex-child' introduces what we'll be talking about, then talks about how our technology is applied to lights.
4) The second 'ex-child' talks about how our technology is applied to kitchen appliances and bathroom plumbing.
5) The group member (who hasn't spoken yet) talks about how our technology is applied to entertainment devices and the security system.
6) I jump in and talk about how our technology works, the pricing and conclusion. The conclusion is when I announce the phone number.

This is what happened with each:

1) The stressed mom and the children didn't do everything that was planned. Originally I was just a little nervous, but watching things start to go differently made me a hell of a lot nervous.
2) The lines I memorized slipped my mind (which was only a few sentences). I tried hard not to look at the Powerpoint slide and read off of it, but I had no choice but to since my mind was a complete blank. I stumbled over words; there were a few awkward pauses. I couldn't do the hilarious announcer mannerisms I had planned due to me focusing on reading off of the slide.
3) She wasn't paying attention. She had her back turned playing with the toys, still in her child role. After several seconds of awkward silence, I had no choice but to call out to her "Hey, it's your turn". This was the worst mistake of the presentation, the loss of pace confused the audience. To make matters worse, her mistake made her very nervous. As what happened to me, all her lines (which was only a couple short sentences) slipped her mind. She even said "I'm sorry" and reached into her pocket, struggling to pull out the paper where she wrote her lines on (apologizing is a BIG presentation no-no). Also, the mom remained quiet; she wasn't agreeing. But because we were all so nervous and reading our lines fast (what nervous people do), she probably couldn't squeeze in her Ooh's and Aah's.
4) He had to read from the slides. He made an effort to stray from the slides, but by doing so he improperly explained that portion, rendering it not making full sense. Also, he wasn't transitioning the slides. I had to step in and manage the slides for him. But it wasn't entirely his fault, because he didn't know how to work the wireless mouse clicker thingy that the teacher insisted we use to 'make things easier'.
5) She had to read from the slides. Although at one point she did a good job explaining one portion without looking at the slides.
6) (sighs) I was in a state of shock from worrying about the presentation going so wrong, which made me even more nervous. I stumbled over so many words. I was so nervous that I wasn't even reading the slides properly.

So that was the presentation. The teacher just said "That was a good idea". I don't blame my group members for their mistakes. This was all because we didn't finish the script & PowerPoint earlier and, most importantly, because we never rehearsed. I had such high hopes for this presentation. And since my last two went so well, I was confident that I would never be nervous with a presentation ever again. This experience was a hard reminder that things don't always go as planned, especially when you have limited control over it. This presentation was the final, the Business Presentations class is over and done with.

With that aside, I want to point out that this was the most fun group experience I've ever had at this school. These people in my group had a great sense of humor. I got along with them very well. Even though we didn't do all that was planned, we had a great time planning everything. We got along so well that, during gatherings, we often broke away from planning to talk about off-topic things. Tonight I sent them all an e-mail with a short reflection and my chat client usernames. I hope we keep in touch. I'm especially interested in the two girls (not including the middle-aged lady, lol), I like them the most. I hope they keep in touch, a friendship would be nice. FYI, I only have two real life friends, one of which I rarely get to see (Robert; his story is talked about in my Aug. 7th '05 entry).

The tragic Business Presentation final has not pulled me down for my senior presentation this Friday. Yes, my anticipated senior presentation is this Friday. This will be the most important moment in my life. All the main teachers of the Visual Communications department will be there to judge and critique me. With my Business Presentations class out of the way, I can fully dedicate the next two days to preparation. I already printed out 7 large posters of the characters, a large print of the magazine ad, a storyboard and 10 DVD covers+inserts (for 10 copies of my movie). With the exception of the DVD covers, everything else needs to be mounted to foam boards. So far I've mounted the character posters; the storyboard and ad remain. Once they're done, all that's left is to prepare my presentation speech. The speech will be easy, as I already have most of is memorized so far. I just need to organize what I've memorized and fill in detail gaps. All in all, I don't necessarily have much work left to do for it.

■November 30, 2005 - Public speaking

[Mood:Proud] Surprisingly, I've been doing great in my Business Presentations class. I've always been terrible at group speaking. No, really. Sure, you hear people say all the time "I'm terrible at group speaking" and then when you see them do it, they do it fine. That's not the case with me -  I really mean it. I get so nervous that I'm nervous weeks before the presentation. I get so nervous that you hear a jitter in my voice. My muscles get so tense that if I make any quick movements, like moving my head or my arm, it makes a very obvious nervous shake that everyone can see. For my Psychology presentation I even froze, eventually passing off to do the presentation (although it's not entirely my fault given the circumstances of the situation with my lazy group members; you can read all about it in my 2004 Dec. 2+6 entries). So yah, something happened to me in my Business Presentations class. Something in me "clicked". Not only have I done a great job presenting, I've proven to be one of the best in the class! Yes, for real! It made me think for a while, "What in the nine hells am I doing now that I didn't do before?!" The answer is simple: I did not properly prepare for any of my previous presentations. Proper preparation makes a world of a difference. So considering that evidence, when people say they're terrible at presenting (and even give specific examples why, like I have ^^;; ), they're telling you that they're lazy.

So how exactly did I click? Well, we've done two presentations so far. The first presentation was to introduce and talk about ourselves for 5 minutes. For the second presentation we were to choose a topic that we thought everyone would be interested in; basically, whatever we wanted, for 10 minutes. Easy topics, eh? I got so excited and into these presentations that I couldn't help but prepare beforehand, that's how I clicked. My cure for group speaking anxiety was to present an easy topic. It taught me the importance of preparing beforehand.

For the 'about me' presentation I (1) talked a bit about my origin, (2) displayed family photos and talked a bit about my family, (3) talked about how I've always been artistic, (4) displayed examples of my art from youth to present, (5) talked about how I've always loved computers, (6) talked about my anime and classic gaming interest, and lastly (7) talked about my beloved fantasyanime.com and how it had benefited me. One major benefit about my fantasyanime.com (that I didn't mention) was that it didn't make afraid to talk about myself to strangers. It encouraged me to create "Ramblings!" to post up a profile of myself, self photos, and keep this journal you're reading. So many people in the class were hesitant to reveal information about themselves. Even without the help of my site, I don't see how hard it can be for others to tell strangers "I grew up here. I like this, I like that..."

For the 'any topic' presentation I chose the perfect topic! As aspiring students, we want to be successful. What better topic than one about "How to be successful designer". :) In the presentation I talked about philosophy of the creative process, based on the philosophy mentioned in my August 5, 2005 entry. If you have MS Powerpoint installed, you can click here to download it (23 KB) to view it (I can't post my 'about me' presentation because it's too big). But note the Powerpoint only contains half of my presentation, the rest was verbal. So in this presentation I (1) fooled everyone into thinking my presentation was about SEX - HA >:D , which was on purpose because it's an example from #5 (2) revealed my true presentation, (3) talked about things a designer should keep in mind, (4) talked about how important it is to be open-minded, (5) talked about originality, (6) concluded with a quote by the dean (the 'boss') of the Visual Communications department (fyi, my university teaches several different things). I got so into this presentation that I prepared 8 hours for it. Yes, 8 hours. I had to compress it several times to keep it under the 10-minute limit. Ego aside (really!), I can say my presentation was the best for the 'any topic' presentations. Other people had more entertaining presentations, but I was the one who got three compliments from the teacher and compliments from several students. This presentation made me feel great. I'm so used to being nervous about presenting and feeling so bad about it. This class has taught me such a valuable lesson.

The third and final presentation is a group presentation, which takes places in two weeks. I screamed in my head when I first heard about it. The majority of my group work experiences haven't been pleasant. Shockingly, things are great with my group. That also could be because the group presentation isn't too demanding and it gives us a lot of freedom. What we need to do is try to sell a product or service to the class, an existing one or made up. Since I'm so chock full of ideas and enthusiasm, the group accepted my proposal and conceptional presentation drafts. We're going to present a service that 'futurizes' your house, allowing all electronic devices to be controlled through voice recognition technology. It will be presented like a play. It starts out with a frustrated single mom walking into their house (into the classroom) with heavy bags, fussing to turn on lights and control her children and such. Basically, showing someone who is in dire need of our service. Then someone pops in and tells this frustrated lady that there is an answer to her problems. Hence from there we talk about our product, and the frustrated lady is like "OH MY GOD THAT'S AMAZING!" the whole time. This presentation has great advantages: (1) the information is entirely practical and very easy to remember, (2) the information can be said any way we choose, (3) the humor will make us less nervous, and (4) it'll be fun. :) This past evening, my group originally accepted my idea with a "Well... okay", but towards the end of the class period they were really getting into it, coming up more good ideas to add on to it. We all agreed "Lol! This presentation is going to be awesome! No other group is going to have anything close to this."

■October 28, 2005 - Hurricane Wilma

[Mood:Content] If you've been listening to the news, you would know that hurricane Wilma passed through Florida on Monday (which was Oct 24th; I made my previous Oct 24th entry like at 1 AM, way before it). I'm over on the East coast in Broward, and it passed right over me. The news kept on saying it would slow down and be a category 1 by the time it reached Broward. As it turned out, it came by as a category 3. Wilma caught us by surprise.

On Monday high winds began impacting around 7 AM. I woke up all sweaty, the power went out and the heat got to me. I fell asleep around 5 AM so I only slept two hours. I was exhausted, I tried to fall back to sleep but the loud wind noises made me too uneasy to sleep. I was afraid one of the windows would crash open. None of my family could sleep either. We just listened to the radio and took occasional peeks outside. Around 8:30 AM we heard loud metallic banging. The screen around my pool had collapsed. After the winds calmed down some, I was able to sleep. A cold front came in immediately after Wilma so I was able to sleep with comfort. Around 3 PM was when the winds finally died. My family and I finally got a chance to look around outside. Half of my fence blew down. No trees fell over. Broken roof tiles are everywhere. The phones don't work and, curiously, cell phones don't work either. On the radio I heard that 98% of Broward was without power. I took some photos of the hurricane and the damage it left behind. I put them up in a gallery in my photo album.

I spent the rest of Monday and all day Tuesday cleaning up. I found two dead birds on the lawn. One of them had their head completely pushed into their body. We're all particularly worried about family since we're unable to contact anyone. On Tuesday late afternoon I went over to my auntie's house (she lives nearby) to check up on her and stay the night to keep her company (she's single). As I left my neighborhood I saw that practically half the trees in my area went down. I was blinded by all the people passing by me forgetting to turn off their high beams. They had them on since the street lights were off. Along to my auntie's house I was shocked to see lights! When I arrived, I saw she had electricity! Air conditioning! Hot water! Nothing like a hurricane to make you appreciate the comforts of modern living. She got power back so quickly because her whole area has their power lines underground. Unfortunately, my area has its power lines above ground. I bet it'll be a long time until my area gets power, many of those fallen trees were near power lines. My auntie also got her internet service back up, so that's how I'm able to be online now.

Currently, my home is still without power. The phone line is operational again, and cell phones seem to be working fine now. Super markets, pharmacies, hardware stores, gas stations and restaurants remain PACKED. Gas stations are especially crowded, most of them have lines wrapping around the whole shopping center they're in. Many traffic lights are still out. You think everyone in overcrowded Florida is obeying the four way stop rule? Ha! Every intersection is a mess. Anyway, I've been continuing to stay at my auntie's to enjoy the comforts of power. Although I'm not entirely in luxury as I had hoped, lol. She's been taking advantage of my presence, making me do an array of errands for her.

■October 24, 2005 - Senior project is complete!

[Mood:Proud] Today's not an official entry. I just want to point out that over in Illustrated Ramblings I added a section for my Graphic Design 3 project and a section for my famed Senior Project that I've been working on the past two months.

■September 20, 2005 - Senior project madness & The Batman

[Mood:Content] The day after my Sept. 2nd entry is when I began my senior project. I finished the opening last week, and now I'm working on the second sequence. The second sequence introduces the background of the story. More details about the current status of my senior project can be found in this thread in my forum. Later when I finish the project I'm going to set up a page for it in Illustrated Ramblings. During the creation of my senior project, I have learned many wonderful things about Maya and Adobe After Effects. I feel accomplished! With my After Effects skills, I now have the ability to create and edit movie clips. Although I still need to learn Adobe Premiere, which is dedicated to movie clip editing. Ah, but movie clip skills are scarcely useful for my site. Although in one case, it has been extremely useful with allowing me to finally put up movie clips from Night Trap. My senior project has been taking up all my time. I've been having to hold back on updates for my site. Some of those updates are complete game save collections, Ys 4 English coverage to Classic CD RPGs, Star Ocean shrine, adding an arcade section to RPG Lunch Break, and finishing up the Bleu's Sister cartoon in The Bleu Shrine. I'll still be working on my senior project for several more weeks. I'm pouring my heart into this project. I really want to shine.

The Batman is such an awful cartoon. I downloaded the first series and finished watching it a couple weeks ago. Again, I pass blame to the evil Economics Pixie. The evil Economics Pixie derives the pleasure of its existence by ass-raping America from having good video games and cartoons better than anime. In the case of The Batman, the Economics Pixie forced it to follow the overused 'Powerpuff Girl' trend. You see, the Powerpuff Girls cartoon started an awful trend in the cartoon industry. Here's what happens in every episode of a cartoon series influenced by The Powerpuff Girl Trend®.

1) The bad guy does something bad.
2) The heroes come to kick his ass.

That's it. No really, that's it. I just described to you the plot of the entire The Batman series, as well as other cartoons. If animation companies want to make good cartoons within American's standards so badly, then they should come up with something original and without focus on action, like Fairly Odd Parents and Evil Con Carne, which I think are pretty good. I do give The Batman credit for being absolutely gorgeous. The artists behind it must be having a field day being able to draw such a gothic, dark, awesome atmosphere. Ugh, but the fact that it follows the Powerpuff Girl trend makes it so boring. I was looking in an animation magazine the other day and saw ads for several more cartoons based on the Powerpuff Girl trend. Don't get me wrong, I used to love watching Powerpuff Girls. I thought it was cute. But I don't care to see its style used in practically all the new cartoons released after it became popular. Is it so hard to add a storyline and character development? It can't be that hard since the fucking masterpiece Justice League cartoon has it. I cried tears of joys when I read that they're making two more seasons of Justice League Unlimited. Anyway, you might be asking "why should you even care?". I'm caring because I was looking forward to The Batman being as good as the previous Batman series by Warner Bothers animation. They were excellent. Now after watching The Batman, I feel let down, and I feel disgusted that Warner Brothers animation is giving into overused trends. Well, the cartoon -did- have an interesting plot twist in the second to the last episode, but they wasted it in the continued last episode by filling it in with the same bad-guy-bashing routine.

■September 2, 2005 - Lousy day

[Mood:Lousy] Reason for lousy day #1: For the past two days I've been just sitting around with my thumb up my ass. I'm supposed to be working on my senior project. I have two more weeks to work on it. The project I decided on was a starting animation company. The most time-consuming part is the fully animated opening for the company's first cartoon. I'm probably about 20% complete with it. My project would be -much- better if I made a prelude sequence after the opening. If I'm to do the prelude sequence, it would be best if I finished the opening by Wednesday (the day of class). But I just don't feel like doing anything. I don't know, maybe I'm just so worried about making an amazing opening that I'd rather not doing anything at all.

Reason for the lousy day #2: I hate it when it comes to my attention that someone whom I've respected turns out to be disturbingly close-minded. I feel embarrassed giving that person respect when they don't deserve it. Today is a coincidental total of 3 people such as that. I wish there was something I could do to show them how wrong it is to limit perception, but such attempts are as useless as trying to convince someone to switch their religion.

Reason for the lousy day #3: Some of my actions made with good intention have backfired with a negative blow. Being human and all, I'm not always successful when choosing when to give help.

Reason for the lousy day #4: My father is having a really hard time managing the details of a loan he's getting for a new house. He's been impatient and snappy today from the stress. Of course, it's not pleasant to have to be around someone cranky like that.

Reason for the lousy day #5: Every now and then the feeling of longing for a partner surfaces. Now is one of those periods. I need friends first for anything like that to happen. At college, the few potential friends I've come across have turned out to have issues. In previous entries I've already explained the crazy experiences I've had with girls I've met. The one who needlessly told me off that one time, Jen, is still around in my senior classes. As I've said before, she's a great artist and we have a lot in common, but she just has that one personality flaw that I wouldn't be able to tolerate a second time. We converse so much that our level of acquaintanceship is near friendship. I've been thinking about giving her a try. I'm hoping she has some interesting artistic people she could introduce me to. If by chance we do end up friends, before we enter a solid friendship I would need to explain to her that I don't want to experience her personality flaw again, then hope she reacts with understanding.

Reason for the lousy day #6: Because of Reason for Lousy Day #1-5, I haven't been able to enjoy my re-watching of Slayers Next, or any other hobbies/projects I've previously been active with.

So yah, those are the reasons why my day has been lousy. I usually don't let these things bother me, but getting bombarded by them all at once and in numbers hasn't made it easy for me. Ugh, even making this journal post isn't making me feel any better.

■August 19, 2005 - Adventures with three jobs

[Mood:Anxious] Gah. >_< Where should I begin. Ah, I'll start from the core. For about half a year I've been a member of my university's career services mailing list, where I get a leads to jobs almost daily. Every now and then I get a good lead and e-mail my resume. Only twice so far I've received a reply. Coincidentally, they were both government jobs. A government job is what I would love to have! Both my parents work for the county, so naturally, they've revealed to me the valuable advantages that come with a (full-time) government job: (1) vacations are guaranteed, (2) raises are automatic and regulated by unions, (3) ***they pay HALF the tuition if you go to school***, (4) job security, and more. Okay, now for the stories.

• Job #1
I believe this occurred last month. I am called for an interview for a graphic design internship for the Broward Sheriff's Office. They pointed that normally the intern leaves after the internship, but this time they would like someone who's willing to stay afterwards. Of course I'm willing to stay! I need a job, dammit. As it turned out, they really liked me, but... I was a "close second". I was promised that as a close second I would get hired for the internship after the first choice finished the internship period, which is about 3-6 months. That sounds great and all, but I need a job sooner than 3-6 months. Scratch one possible job. :\

• Job #2
This occurred four weeks ago. On week 1 I am called for an interview for a graphic/web design position for the Sheridan Technical Center. As an official Broward county public school, the position would be considered a government job. On week 2 is the interview. For week 3 & 4 I'm calling every couple days, asking if I was hired. The freakin people are never there! All I get is the voice mail. Finally when they called back with an answer it was soon after I called and got the voice mail. Given that evidence, they most likely have caller ID and ignore the phone call whenever it's someone they want to avoid. That sure was flattering that they considered my calls annoying. :\ So I wasn't hired, and she gave me the reason why. She wanted someone "more proficient with Quark". From the way she explained things, she made a last minute decision that she wanted a graphic designer, not a graphic/web designer, and that she had hired someone. First of all, I AM SURE AS HELL PROFICIENT WITH QUARK. Quark Xpress is SO EASY - it's basically just a more advanced version of MS Word. Secondly, that really pissed me off that she suddenly decided to want a person who's main focus is graphic design via Quark. In the interview I mostly talked about my web design skills, because due to the many levels of knowledge with web design I felt I needed to make it clear what I can do. I didn't talk much about how much I know of Quark because, well, there isn't really much to say other than, "I know Quark Xpress". But I have a pretty good idea what made her believe that I'm not too fond of Quark. In my portfolio I displayed graphic design works only done in Illustrator. In the end I'm glad the stoned hippie didn't hire me (btw, she looked so much like a hippie). Given the evidence, she could care less about talent and artistic abilities. She just wanted someone to do the boring bitch work, bringing mountains of data into Quark and putting it together.

• Job #3
My mom told me that if the Sheridan Technical Center didn't hire me, then she has a lady at Sir Speedy's (a chain of print/copy stores, like Kinkos) who needs some help. So I go for it; the position was basically to be an assistant for the graphic designer. They hired me and I've been working there the past week since this Monday. However, I quit today. ^^;; The reason why was a mistake of both the Sir Speedy's lady and I. We waited until Thursday afternoon to talk about how much I would be paid. Her offer was $7/hr, take it or leave it. Okay, THAT'S PRACTICALLY MINIMUM WAGE. So that's why I got another visit from the Pink Slip Pixie (shown to right) and quit. However, my time there wasn't wasted. The graphic designer I was working with, Jorge, was AWESOME. He's down to earth, realistic, patient, tolerant. I'll tell you why. Sir Speedy's is a busy place, and he's the only graphic designer there. He's interrupted every 2-5 minutes by either the boss, one of the printing guys, customers, or phone calls. I'm not exaggerating. I sat there and watched as he literally got interrupted every 2-5 minutes. And you know what? That didn't bring him down. Oh man, that's patience, tolerance, and multi-tasking at its finest. On my last day there yesterday, it was the day when we had conversations almost all day. On previous days I was just in front of the spare computer all day doing boring bitch work, properly putting together ill-prepared Excel worksheets from a customer in such a format that the mass mailing software would recognize. Anyway, on this last day he gave me valuable knowledge and insight about graphic design, most particularly the reality behind graphic design jobs nowadays. What I liked best about Jorge is his attitude with mistakes. He has a "just keep on going" type of attitude. In other words, he's saying it's much better to just fix the mistake instead of worrying about it. I made a few mistakes and I was very happy with his reaction. He didn't scold me at all, he just said "That's okay, just keep on going" What a completely different reaction compared to Fausto, the evil 'fake' graphic designer from my 1/24/05 entry. Fausto was a perfection freak. When I made a mistake it was the end of the world and he put me through a guilt trip. Anyway, I was so satisfied with Jorge that I called him up at Sir Speedy's this afternoon and told him how I felt about my experience with him. He told me that if I wished I could use him as one of my references. Jorge also felt the $7/hr they offered me was far too little. During our chats he had expressed to me that he wasn't too happy with the decisions the bosses had been making.

And that concludes my three job adventures. Anything learned? Yes.
1) It's important to include examples of work with everything that is claimed to know.
2) It's extremely important to make things clear at the point of interview, most particularly the pay.
3) Bosses are human too.
4) It's beneficial to leave jobs in good spirit and with a positive impression.

■August 7, 2005 - Rekindled friendship

[Mood:Content] My best friend, Robert, since kindergarten came over today. We haven't spoken in like, what, four or five years. Gah, and it's all my fault. You see, I wasn't too much of an organized person back then. I kinda sorta misplaced his phone number. Since then I moved, so I wasn't able to give him my new phone number. I felt terrible; I thought just because I lost a stupid little piece of paper with his phone number, I had lost such a valuable long-term friendship. Somewhere around June I just woke up one day and insisted to regain contact with Robert. Literally, right after I woke up I persistently looked through my archives of junk that I've kept from my younger years. I found three of Robert's old phone numbers. Lol, god damn, I still have all his old phone numbers throughout his whole childhood. One of them worked! I got his brother, who was visiting Robert's parents at the time (note: only his parents live at the house now). To my luck, I'm thankful that Robert's mom has insisted to live in the same house all these years. So yeah, I spoke to Robert's brother, who relayed my message to Robert with my new phone number. Robert was quick to call me once he got the message, which was later that day. Anyway, Robert was finally able to come over today since June when we regained contact. Robert has a family and a time-consuming job, so he just can't come over any weekend. To my surprise he made it to my house with no trouble at all. Lol, everyone gets lost coming to my house. We did a great deal of talking and reminiscing. Robert was amazed to hear that all the video games we grew up with could easily be emulated on the computer, and that I have pretty much every R0M for every 8-bit/16-bit system. I burned for him my R0M collections and gave him some of my Sega CD copies. It broke my heart to hear that Robert had to sell his beloved Genesis back in the day. He must've went through real hard times. His role as a father came earlier than expected. But I'm glad my heavy interest in gaming froze all of 1988-96 for him. After reminiscing we played some 2-player games: Aliens Vs. Predator (arcade) and Sonic the Hedgehog 2. After that he went with my parents and I to eat at the local Thai/Japanese restaurant. The dinner concluded the outing.

The special thing about a friendship that has lasted since early childhood is that the friend represents the other's childhood. The majority of my happy childhood memories are connected to Robert, and he feels the same way vice versa. The core of my devote anime and gaming interest is connected to Robert. Experiencing the 8-bit/16-bit era would've never been as intense for me without him there to fuel my enthusiasm. The same thing goes for my earliest exposure to anime. You could say that Robert is the co-creator of my FantasyAnime.com. Because when I think about my gaming interest, the first image that comes to my head is Robert, smiling, all excited as he was all the time something new came out. The image to the right is a photo of him (thumbnail). He sure looks different now that he's older, but his spirit remains the same. All the qualities I remembered from him are still there.

■August 5, 2005 - Philosophy of originality

[Mood:Enlightened] I am enlightened again! And this time it's from two videos from Belief. You can view these videos by going to Experiments > Pollinated Sessions. These videos were shown to me during the previous Maya class. The following are the notes I took during viewing. Some points are design philosophy and some are invaluable concepts to follow during the creative process. My comments are in blue.

• passion is a magnet
...Yup, I've noticed that first hand. People are attracted to ads, works of art, etc. that express passion well. Also, people are more attracted to you (in every aspect) if your personality expresses passion.

• rethink the business
...Success in advertising comes from doing something different.

• sample everything; transfer of mediums: bizarre + practical = idea (or any combo)
...Great ideas come from unlikely combinations. For example, something weird like polka music combined with something attractive like beautiful women can create a successful commercial. During the creative process it's a great idea to browse through images/ideas of every category.

• draw a bear, draw a second bear, then can you draw a third or fourth bear? that is where ideas are from
...Great ideas come from going beyond stereotypes.

• abstract a common object, personify common object
...Great ideas come from your own unique interpretation of aspects of life. One good way to do this is to treat an object as if it had human traits.

• finest form of communication is confusion
...Lol, indeed. But I don't agree with this point 100%. Depending on what you're working on, creating something confusing can be successful.

• change styles, put your mind somewhere else
...Yes, it is crucial to be open-minded. I can't stress enough how important it is to be open-minded - and in every area. Whether it be art, interests, beliefs - everything. Great ideas come from experiencing, tasting everything. One good way to do this is to put your mind in someone else's shoes

• stop, look around, examine, think about it (male and female in there? is there a whole story there? what happens when you add the human element? you?)
...Great ideas come from stopping whatever you're doing and looking around - figuratively and literally. As humans (most particularly young people) we tend to look forward to the future too much and limit our perception to our daily lives. Sometimes we need to wake up and realize there's a whole world around us. A great idea can come from merely looking at shadows being cast onto your wall by your bedroom window.

• creativity is the opposite of routine
...This has been mentioned a couple times already, but worded differently. It's important to go against the norm! Great ideas come from utilizing ideas that are outside the norm..

• genius comes from ideas not technique
...Great ideas come from your head. Design software are merely tools.

• limitations = good source
...You don't need to have the most advanced stuff or be 100% familiar with a program to create a masterpiece. Great ideas can come from doing things ghetto-style.

• remember the age of innocence: childhood
...Great ideas come from taking your childhood mind into account.

• exaggerate satisfaction.
...Great ideas can come from things in excess. For example, cartoons and movies are successful for exaggerating human emotion and aspects of our lives.

■July 12, 2005 - Maya!!

[Mood:Excited] This week begins the new semester. Today there was an extremely pleasant surprise with my Animation class. I walked in thinking the class would revolve around Flash or After Effects. Well, it's Maya! MAYA! I practically had an orgasm upon hearing that. I knew beforehand that this class would have a new teacher. To my surprise he's quite young; like, around my age! That's a bit awkward. I'm used to all the teachers being middle-aged or old farts. Suddenly I reminded myself that he was a -new- teacher, remembering that the previous new teachers I've experienced were terrible and hardly new anything about their field. After this guy introduced his background and showed us some of his work, I sighed in relief - he really knows his stuff! His work in Maya is awesome. His most highlighted experience is that he's worked with the Lord of the Rings CGI people. I'm looking forward to this class very much. All I'm worried about is getting bored during his first lectures, considering that I'm a quarter through my Maya book.

■July 3, 2005 - conclusion of the past semester

[Mood:Snug] The semester ended a week ago and I am currently in the middle of my 2-week break. I had three class: English Literature, Sociology and Graphic Design 3.

• English Literature
As I've mentioned in previous posts, the teacher I had for this class was new. She didn't teach properly and she was excessively strict. However, things didn't turn out so bad in the end. Apparently, she got it through her thick head that practically everyone was failing. On the last two days of the class she gave us some leniency. She dropped the worst essay grade, she was generous with the way she graded the research papers, and she gave us an easier final exam. I'm especially appreciative for her generosity with the research paper. I had a few typos on every page; in a previous class she pointed out that she would take off a lot of points for any typos on papers. Anyway, what matters is that she turned lenient. But a bit too late, for I got a C in the class. My very first C in college. :\ All because I got a newbie. Oh well, a C had to happen eventually. For two difficult classes (Advertising & Business Practices), Lady Fate made it so that I got laid back teachers instead of the super strict teachers. So I figure getting a cold bitch for English 2 is payback. I'm almost done with my academic classes!! =D All I have left is a science class, Biology! Yipee!

• Sociology
It was a very interesting class, but I got a B. :\ Here are some reasons why.
(1) The teacher was Miss Bello. Bello is a very laid back teacher, too laid back. So much that it doesn't seem like she takes the class too seriously. I mean, she taught it good with informed lectures, but she didn't keep up with the fact that this was a class. She forgot things often and gave us last-minute tests and assignments.
(2) Her last-minute tests were only 20 or so questions. With so few questions it was easy to get a soso grade. And here tests were strangely balanced in difficulty. There were the ridiculously easy questions, and then there were the impossibly difficulty questions. She let us use the book for the tests, but finding the answer to the impossibly difficult questions required us to freakin read whole chapters.
(3) Revisiting her laid back trait, it made us lazy! She kept on saying things like, "Oh, you can turn in the work next week. (next week) Oh, you can turn in the work in two weeks. (two weeks pass) Oh, You can turn in the work on the last day." See what I mean? I got so lazy that I didn't have the final project ready on the last day, the day it was due (final project was four 2-page essays). I begged her for leniency like Bill Clinton when he begged Monica Lewinsky not to tell the press. In an act of kindness she acknowledged my plea and allowed me to e-mail them to her the next day before noon. I most likely got points taken off for that, but better than nothing. I'm settled with the B.

• Graphic Design 3
Ah, Graphic Design 3, the class that revolves around corporate identity. For this class we were assigned to create a new identity for a museum or park; any of our choice. For the whole semester we would only work on this project. We had to create stuff like signs, posters, ads, business cards, letterheads, newsletters, a website, merchandise, etc. (anything flat that we could create in Adobe Illustrator or Photoshop). I chose to do the Miami Museum of Science and Planetarium. I did great in this class. Me and some other girl were the two best people in the class, who received the highest praise from the teacher. Considering that I was the first to finish my project, leaving me with one day that I didn't have to go to class, I would say I was the best. ^_^ I'm good and efficient. I'm still working on posting my Graphic Design 3 work up in my Illustrated Ramblings section, but I did put up some photos in my photo album page. I was so proud of my project that I took photos of it after I finished mounting it on the foam boards. I dressed up in my suit and posed with a few, too. I had to have the suit out for the next morning, anyway. There were two very flattering compliments my Graphic Design 3 teacher gave me during this class:

"You're a graphic designer."

"At this point you need very little instruction."

He basically told me that I'm done with college. :) That I've achieved the level that I came to college for. Given the circumstances, I doubt he's said such things to anyone else in the class. I feel special. :D I want other people to be successful as well. I still try to share with others my art-related ideas and philosophy that have made me successful. In this class there was also an acquaintance of mine whom I've had in a few other classes. Her major is video production. Unfortunately, she's one of those people who go to college with the notion, "I don't care about anything else besides classes about my major..." so she didn't care much for this class, and the other classes I had her in. Anyway, I gave her some valuable advice that I hope she'll take into consideration. Some things I told her was that making independent movies is big now. There should be several resources on the internet for her. Most particularly, there should be many good hobby-based video production forums. When you want to learn something, conversing with people who are obsessed with it is the best thing you can do. For example, I joined a Mac community when I first got my iBook. Just by conversing with them I learned so much about Macs that I'm practically on the level of a 'Mac nerd'.

■June 10, 2005 - Secrets to success

[Mood:Eager] The guy who created and animated Golem in Lord of the Rings had a Q&A thread over at CGTalk recently! :D In his answers he revealed some very important things that I must take into consideration since it is my wish to become successful. The following are important points from his interview that I've noted. Even though they are focused on art and animation, they are universal, and can be interpreted into any career. I've underlined things that I think are extremely important. My thoughts in reply to these points are in aqua blue.

• My animation education comes from a lot of books and self-study. I've only taken two animation courses in my life.
...Yes, all the professionals in design that I've spoken to learned their stuff through self-study.

• There are different levels of stress. The first stress is whether or not you can actually do the work which is assigned to you. With every shot I get my first fear is that I've been faking it all along, and that people will soon find out that I'm a total hack, that I can't animate at all, and they'll go "what were we thinking???" and kick my butt to the street. Then there's the stress of showing your first pass of the work to your co-workers. Will it make sense? Will they understand what I'm trying to do? Will the blocking read? Then, you stress about the timeline you have to get the shot done in. A lot of money is being spent based on certain assumptions about your ability to get work done in a certain period of time. So there's always stress knowing that you HAVE to finish by a certain date.. no matter what. Then there's the stress of showing the work to an audience and seeing if THEY like what you've done. The other big stress with a lifestyle like this is knowing when to put the work aside and focus on your family. Sometimes it's important to realize that work is only that.. work, and family is more important. Family should ALWAYS come first. But because we all love the industry and what we do.. sometimes it's hard to juggle the love of family and the love of work. That can get stressful.
...Yes, and I've said it in my journal several times, too: family comes first.

• A good cg artist is someone who is able to focus on their art with extreme passion, but also knows a lot about the world outside the cg world. they should have a good idea about how to approach solving a problem, even if they don't know how to solve it immediately. What that means is, CG is always evolving. The solution which worked for something yesterday, may not work tomorrow. The technology changes, bugs appear in the software, the bar is continually raised. A good CG artist will be able to approach problems from different directions, and be able to try various things in order to come to a solution.
...Yes, one requirement for success is a passion for the job.

• My favorite CG artists like to share ideas and grow and come up with new things, and don't hide techniques and solutions because they're "afraid" of letting others know their secrets. They have a well rounded knowledge of art AND technology, and get excited by learning new things. They're always striving and pushing and working towards something fun.. but they can also go out and talk about things non-cg related.
...Yes, and communication is one of my weaknesses that I've been working to overcome. I usually keep my art-related secrets to myself. In the event that I tell people my art-related ideas/secrets, most of the time people either don't understand me or they reject them with a "What? That's not true." That hinders my confidence in people, but not every single time, because in some cases I am understood. I'm trying to learn how to better communicate my ideas and secrets, to decrease the probability of disfavored impressions. Now that I've read this I have a better idea where to put emphasis in my learning. As for the learning new things part, that's already something I've got down. :) These past couple years I've been taking the time to learn -all- design software, like just recently Maya and After Effects, as I've mentioned in my previous entry.

• I made so many choices throughout my career, and had so many lucky things happen, it's hard to say which choices in particular put me where I am. The main thing I've done, however, is always been honest with myself as to what I want. I take an active role in determining where my career path will lay.
...Right now I'm having doubts with what I really want to do. Web Design? Graphic design? Animation? Something related to cartoons? My problem with this is that I don't have enough experience to determine what I really want. I need to wait until I get some experience in order to truly be honest with myself.

• It's a sad fact of the industry that a lot of jobs are short-term contract based.
...Bah. >_<

• The main thing I have to share is that it's important to follow your dreams but keep them balanced with the rest of reality! Know that you should work really hard.. but also play really hard. Focus with severe intensity.. but also relax. Work overtime.. but take time off. Watch everything around you. Never for a moment assume that you know the only way to do something, or that you're the best. There's always something you can learn from someone!
...Wow. Improper balance isn't a problem for me now, but I have a feeling it might be in time. I'll have to make sure to keep this point in mind.

• I've learned a few things in the years I've been animating. The first is to observe. I get such joy watching people DO things.. how a tired person will wipe their eyes.. how teens flirt with each other.. how people in love who have spent a lot of time together perform these dances while doing simple things.. like making coffee.. one gets the cups, while the other pours the water, while the other gets the milk, while the other pulls the spoons.. it's all so fascinating! So I've learned to watch things, and observe. I've also learned how to pour my heart and soul into my work, but not be destroyed when it has to change and someone critiques it. It's so important to be able to separate a critique of your work from a critique of YOU.
...Yes, nature is the best teacher.

• I think an important skill for any animator to have is to be able to empathize.. if you can have empathy for your character, it's much easier to be able to get inside their head. WHY are they angry? Why are they happy?
...Yes, "WHY?" One requirement for success is to question. Questions like, "Why does such and such happen? Why do people do that? What influenced that person to do that?"

• For students interested in the art of animating, I would suggest reading and observing as much as possible. Film yourself doing things and watch the movies frame by frame. Draw, draw, draw, draw, draw. Try and get an idea of what causes things to move.. what causes them to stop.. how do they react when they stop? Then get the Illusion of Life and read it.. and The animator's Survival Kit. Then get a cheap animation package, start with a bouncing ball, and go from there.
...Yes, again, nature is the best teacher; following nature and studying its teachings.

• Some of the BIG mistakes that beginners make when learning animation is that they try and bite off more than they can chew. I've seen many people (including myself) just starting in animation try and animate a drunk character learning how to conduct themselves in church while running and firing machine guns and wooing their latest flame. And they still don't know how to do a bouncing ball. it's important to learn the basics FIRST. You must have things like spacing and timing and weight and composition in your blood before you try and get all complicated.. make sure you understand why you need good arcs and squash and stretch before you just throw it in there. You wouldn't try and fight a black belt in karate before learning how to throw a punch!
...Actually, this is something I was quick to get good at controlling. My drawings/projects at school have been good, efficient, and fairly quick to complete. Many of my fellow students make the mistake of creating something that's too time-consuming and/or exceeding their abilities. Trying to do better is great, but it puts them in the hole, making the project too difficult and stressful. In the end their project is crap. As for the point about learning basics first, oh, I do more than that. :) After I learn the basics, I continue to refine my knowledge of the basics and re-learn them. For example, even though I'm currently focusing on learning Maya and After Effects, I'm still putting emphasis in Photoshop and Illustrator (programs I've already mastered), and other activities to stimulate/strengthen my imagination and creativity. After all, what use is design software without creativity?

• Stress? All - the - time!! it's easy to get frustrated..
...As an experienced designer once told me, "If you're not stressed - you're not learning anything!" (sighs) Yeah, another requirement for success is to accept that you will get stressed out.

• I think the biggest obstacle was just learning to assert myself when necessary and learning to accept criticism of my work as just that.. criticism of the work and not myself. You have to have faith that you can do what it is you're trying to do.. even when it seems like you can't! That's pretty tough, especially when you have to show your work daily to your peers and it feels like you're falling behind. Quite honestly, I can't remember any particular episode where things were so tough that I felt like the world was falling apart. I tend to approach life from a very positive viewpoint.. everything that I experience, I try and learn from. Thus, even if something really sucks donky butt (as things can), I try and focus on what I can learn from it.. and pretty soon I won't remember the painful bit as quite so painful!
...As a senior at my design school, critique is something that's still new to me and something that I've gotten a good taste of already. It isn't easy to swallow when it's negative. A problem I've found already is that negative criticism from a person I don't deem as worthy really bothers me. I'm especially bothered by negative criticism that is entirely negative and without suggestions. For example, my experience with my previous job (talked about in detail in my Jan. 24, 2005 entry). The only official critique session the guy gave me was short, entirely negative, unprofessional, and without any suggestions. That really pissed me off. Evidence made it obvious that he's not a 'real' designer; he has no passion. Anyway, I'll work out my peeves with criticism when I'm in a professional environment.

CONCLUSION!
Wow, so enlightening. I'm glad I took the time to put his important points here and study them. I'm happy that some of his points are things I've already learned.

■May 25, 2005 - Life is study!

[Mood:Persistent] Yes, life is study! Lately I've been heavy into my personal studies. Why 'personal'? Well, my university is going at an awfully slow pace - and I'm a senior taking senior classes! It's not good enough for me. I want to learn MORE and I want to learn it NOW. As the result of this hype, I've been pioneering into four areas of study: Adobe Illustrator study, Adobe Photoshop study, 3D study, and movie study.

My Illustrator and Photoshop studies are (obviously) focused on usage of those programs. I've mastered them already looong ago, but now I'm taking the time to master interpreting my artistic abilities through them. My progress in these two studies have been posted in the "Illustrator Art" section in "Illustrated Ramblings!". I've added several new creations as of late.

My 3D study includes Maya, 3Ds Max, Cinema 4D, Lightwave, and Swift 3D. Those are all the mainstream 3D programs of today, Maya being the most popular. I believe 3Ds Max is the one video game companies like to use. Swift 3D is a watered-down 3D program which specializes in creating 3D for Flash. I've just started this study; all I've done so far is read the Maya training book I purchased. I'm taking my time with my 3D study because 3D is a whole new world and there's A LOT to take in. I felt the same way when I began learning Flash. With Flash you can almost do anything as well, and it also involves a great deal of direction to be absorbed.

My movie study includes Adobe Premiere and Adobe After Effects. Premiere is a movie creation/editing program and After Effects is a movie animation program. Many (probably most) commercials on TV are made with just these two programs. Premiere captures and prepares the video, then After Effects adds the animation; like, shapes and text flying around. My Multimedia class taught us how to use Avid Xpress Pro, which is just like Adobe Premiere. As my Multimedia teacher explained, "When you learn Avid Xpress Pro, you know how to use everything else" which is quite true. When I opened up Adobe Premiere for the first time and played around with it, everything was already so familiar to me. However I still need to play around with it some more to feel fully comfortable, as it's not 100% identical to Avid Xpress Pro. As for Adobe After Effects, well, it's going to be a bitch. With After Effects you can add almost any type of animation to a movie. It's like Flash on steroids. You see, Flash is limited to vector animation. After Effects is like Flash and Photoshop combined. With the ability of Photoshop's powerful image editing tools, After Effects can add any amount of detail to an animation, making it easy to make lifelike animations. After Effects also has a built-in 3D engine. Although I haven't touched it yet so I have no idea what it can do. I purchased two books on After Effects and downloaded a video training series. So far learning After Effects isn't so bad as I had anticipated. As an Adobe application it carries many of the core features used with Photoshop and Illustrator.

To conclude the fiasco with the research paper mentioned in May 23rd's entry, I did manage to complete the accursed paper for my English Literature class. I'm confident I did a good with it. I came early so I could ask the teacher a few questions I had with the paper. The bitch argued with me a bit, "What? The class starts at one. I can't look over your paper now, it's due today. Why didn't you ask me for help last class when I offered it?". I'm just like, "Look, bitch, I just have a few questions." (not in those exact words, of course) and she finally helped me. Ugh, this teacher pisses me off so much! >_< What pissed me off even more was when she said, 'the class starts at one'. That's like saying, "Sorry, I'm only here for the money. I'll help you when I'm on the clock." What a bitch. Heh, only three people (including myself) came to class on time, and half the class didn't even come at all. It's because they're all lazy bums and waited till the last minute to do the research paper. I don't blame them entirely, they probably thought this research paper would be like others we've had to do. Unfortunately, unlike previous research papers I've done, this one was different. It was the most time-consuming because analyzing a story requires you to constantly be thinking about the story and how to write down the results of your thinking processes. It practically took me all day up to midnight to complete the research paper! >_< With other research papers that are just based on studying a specific subject, all you have to do is read up on material and put down what you learned in your own words, which doesn't require much thinking.

■May 23, 2005 - Research papers & college ramblings

[Mood:Pissed] I HATE writing research papers. I'm so fucking sick of it. I hate them with such a passion. I especially hate writing research papers for ridiculously picky teachers. I hate worrying about every word I put down knowing there's a good chance my work won't give me a good grade. I hate having to take the time to think and concentrate on things that won't benefit me in my future. I hate having to force an interest for something that I could care less for. I hate having to analyze and make sense of books that speak in riddles, and write seven fucking pages about it. I hate it that research papers require so many damn resources. I hate reading through resources, as it seems the only legit resources are always scientific and too many damn pages long. My English Literature class demands for me to write my fourth college research paper. As you may have already guessed, I'm having such a wonderful time doing so. The bitch expects us to be geniuses. In lighter news, there's at least the teacher survey that I can vent on. Every college that strives for success has you fill out a survey in each class you take, asking for you impression of the teacher and the class. I rated her so bad that my negative energy caused the survey to turn red and display satanic hexagrams all over it. The bitch needs to go. She's too strict and she has poor teaching skills.

Those of you not into college yet or just beginning, so you know, all that college is about is taking relevant classes, BS classes, and academic classes.

• Revelant classes
Relevant classes are classes relevant to your career. They're the ones you're going to enjoy. Unlike other classes, these classes are actually important. They're the most useful and teach things you need to know for your future.

• BS classes
BS classes (BS=bullshit) are those strange classes that are required and sound like they're relevant to your career, but turn out to be a complete waste of time. If they don't teach you things you already know, they'll teach you things that are completely useless.

• Academic classes
Remember taking Math, English, and Science back in grade school? In college you get to take them again, and again, and again. All the things you hated about them will come back to haunt you. As luck likes to screw people, even things you enjoyed in those classes will somehow be twisted into something you'll despise and hate with a passion.

■May 15, 2005 - Stressful week

[Mood:Impatient] Ugh, I've had such a stressful week.

1. Having to deal with the incompetence of the Financial Aid Department of my university.
One day I decide to come to Financial Aid to ask about consolidating my student loan, as I knew nothing about it. This lady was a blond airhead, she didn't know. She had to ask some other lady. A while later the blond came back with an unorganized explanation. The other lady must've overheard her confusion, so she came in to properly explained to me the knowledge I sought. Then when I was about to leave, "Surprise! You're due for a repackaging of your loan. :) :)" Well, I can't escape that, but it's nice to know how organized they are to bring this to my attention. :\ Repackaging my loan means I need to fill out several boring/time-consuming pages with my financials to request another loan from my lender. Because when you sign up for college and get a loan, you don't just get one big loan for the whole time you're there, you need to fill out the same papers every four or so months for a new loan. Fortunately, as a senior this is the last time I have to go through the irritating mission of repackaging my loan. However, Financial Aid wants me to go with a bang. So I set up an appointment with the blond bimbo; Thursday at noon. I arrive Thursday at noon and, Receptionist: "Who do you need to see? The blond? Oh, she's on lunch. :) :)" Wonderful. How professional of her to take her lunch break during my appointment with her. Instead the receptionist directs me to another financial aid lady, which turns out to be the smart one who answered my question about loan consolidation. She tells me in order for us to repackage I need a copy of my parent's taxes and a 1744 form from the IRS. We set up an appointment for a later date. My auntie works for the IRS so I came to her for help obtaining the 1744 form. She calls me later with the results of her quest for the form, "Umm, the 1744 form doesn't exist." Wonderful. On the day of the appointment, beforehand I'm trying to contact the financial aid lady all day. I get her voice mail every time. Oh, but first I had to get her real number, because the phone number on the appointment card she gave me is for another lady. My auntie suggested to just speak to someone else, and so I did. I call to speak with anyone in financial aid, "Sorry, the only financial aid employee here is on her lunch break" WTF?! So I call the main campus (note: my university has two campuses). I get a voice! This financial aid lady tells me, "She said you need to fill out the 1744 form? How old are you? 23? You only need to fill that out if you're older than 24." Wonderful, that's just so fucking great. This lady who seems like she knows what she's doing e-mails me the proper form I need to fill out. She told me she's going to e-mail what we discussed over to the lady I have the appointment with. Meanwhile I'm still trying to contact the lady I have the appointment with. I need to tell her that NOW THAT I HAVE THE CORRECT FORM, I need to reschedule. I continued trying to contact her up until THE APPOINTMENT TIME PASSED. Yes, this lady was also not there at our set appointment time! I LOVE HOW PROFESSIONAL AND ORGANIZED MY UNIVERSITY'S FINANCIAL AID IS.

2. Online book return.
This was my fault. I purchased a book online without reading the user reviews. When I read them and realized the book was not what I was looking for, it was too late. Now I had to take the time to add this book's return to my list of responsibilities and try not to forget it. I hate having to go to the post office to mail just one thing, and I especially hate having to pay postage to return the darn thing.

3. My English Literature teacher is INSANE.
I come into class and, "Surprise! The thesis and prospectus for the research paper is due. :) :)" Okay, WTF? This is nowhere to be found in the syllabus. "Oh, but I mentioned it on the first day. Didn't you write it down?" As tempting as it was to throw my shoe at her, this homework assignment just called for a sentence and a small paragraph so I managed to complete it in class. But still, the point pissed me off. Oh, and there's more. She passed back the homework we turned in from last week, which was the first homework assignment. For this assignment we had to analyze a story and write pages. You'd think it's something easy, right? Well it is, but ALMOST EVERYONE got a bad grade (luckily I got a C). Some people got an F!! For a homework assignment! That's F for doing the homework for nothing! What does this mean? It means something crawled up her pussy and died. She took the time to explain to the class how disappointed she is in our analysis skills. Want to know what she did next? With everyone pissed at her grading, she continued on with the class. She didn't feel explaining where we went wrong to give us such bad grades was important. Oh, and there's more. On this same day she hands us our mid-term test. She says, "Oh, the test is so easy. I don't give hard tests. It's going to be fill in the blank. All you need to do is study your notes. :) :)" So we get the test. After flipping through it I feel like putting some bricks in my book bag and swinging it upside her head. I studied the notes as she said, BUT I DIDN'T FREAKIN MEMORIZE THEM WORD FOR WORD (note: the notes are 10 pages). God damn, this test was HARD. I did what I could, but I know I won't get a good grade. This is bad. For once I might actually get a C or even a D for a class. All because of this fucking teacher. I told the story to my mom (she's a teacher herself). My mom told me she has what she calls 'new teacher syndrome', which she is a new and rather young teacher. New teachers tend to be unnecessarily strict, unpractical, and with their lack of experience they don't teach very well. That's exactly the case. To put the cherry on the cake, for this class we need to read a book so we can do a research paper on it. Aside from reading educational books, I HATE reading books. This research paper requires us to write 7 pages - analyzing the story. It's like a jumbo version of our first homework assignment, which we all got bad grades on. Yipee! ...I'm so screwed. :\ Oh well, all I can do is try my best.

4. "Arc the Lad" anime is a disappointment.
With an advancement of birthday money from my parents, one of the things I purchased was the DVD boxset of the Arc the Lad anime, based on the famous PSX strategy/RPG trilogy released here by Working Designs. I got it because I have yet to be disappointed by an anime based on a video game, and an RPG at that. This anime, wow, I'm at freakin episode 9 and it has gone absolutely nowhere. It's one of the slowest storylines I've ever experienced in an anime. The most action I've seen lasted barely two minutes. >_<

5. Adventures with my forum's moderator, Dracova.
Already explained in the below journal entry for May 14th.

6. My cable internet goes down.
Yes. Coincidentally, right when the Dracova situation in my forum exploded, my cable internet went down. It went down for the whole block (along with the people with cable TV). I struggled to get my brother to help me set up the free BellSouth dial up access my university provides for my iBook (I wish I could've set it up on my PC but it doesn't have a 56k modem). And when I got it set up I continued to struggle, as this dial up access is horrifically slow and likes to time out pages. In the end I managed to control the situation in my forum with the accursed dial up connection, but with my delays to remedy the situation, it got real bad before I could do anything about it. Meanwhile, my mom really needs internet access because she has work to do for school. Letting her borrow my iBook and its dial up connection is the only option. My mom has also had a stressful week. She's accustomed to the fast cable internet, so she's there struggling with the dial up connection. And she's also struggling with the Mac OS interface, as she's never used Mac before. I went over my friend's house and she had to call me several times about it. She's getting so frustrated and piling her stresses onto me. >_< We both just started laughing because we're both so worked up and pissed with our problems.

So yah, the past week has been an episode of a soap opera for me. My problems just kept on piling up. I hope the coming week will be different. I have a feeling it will be, the eagerly ancitipated Star Wars Episode III is coming out. ^_^

■May 14, 2005 - forum drama/ forum philosophy

[Mood:Disappointed] The drama llama stopped by my forum again. The mod, Dracova, was appointed mod by a promise that I made when I was new to the whole forum management thing. A promise that would give all members of my original forum mod status. Dracova and I didn't get along, and he would often break my rules, but I kept him as a mod because I didn't want to break my promise. Debates on sensitive topics took place in the debate forum. I made the mistake of getting sucked into the debates and allowed them to linger longer than they should have, forgetting about my rules. But reality eventually hit me and I raised the hammer of justice. Dracova broke my rules for the last time; I had to de-mod him. Since I waited too long to close those debate threads and since I participated in them so enthusiastically, the immediate impression was that I closed the threads just because I didn't agree with Dracova's point of view and/or I got offended, which is false. He made a good-bye thread and disappeared into the abyss of the internet. A couple members were upset with my decision to strip him of his status so they left with him. All I can do is post my feelings on the matter, hope people take them into consideration, and move on.

One point that seems to be overlooked is the fact that I've been maintaining my website since '98. I have years of experience up my sleeve. I've interacted with countless people and have been exposed to many personalities. Dracova is one of those people who are angry at the world. It doesn't take much for him to hate people. The signs are obvious because his type is common on the net.  They're especially common in forums because his type loves to talk and preach their ideas. They also take their internet life far too seriously than necessary. Since my forum is meant to be a haven for any fan of my site, it -must- be a true public forum. That would call for Dracova to embrace anyone and everyone, which is something his angry personality doesn't permit. From the dramatic way he worded it, it was as if the world would end if I didn't comply with his views on forum management. Dracova could be a good mod for other types of forums, but not mine. Sure he made some great threads, but so does everyone else.

Online communities can't escape change, especially forums like mine that are an extension of a popular website. What molds the essence of a forum is its visitors, most particularly the people who create new threads. People come and go so the essence of a forum changes regularly. I would say my forum's essence changes on a monthly basis. Some people like the new essence while others don't. Many people get attached to certain visitors, enjoying conversation with them. Once the admired people feel their time is better spent elsewhere, either in real life activities or other communities, the admirers suddenly feel, "The forum isn't what it used to be." However that feeling is unique only to the admirers. Everyone else has a different perspective.

Another condition that would cause the "The forum isn't what it used to be" feeling is when a forum's essence changes too dramatically. I'll give one of my experiences as an example. There was a forum that I was an active visitor in for several years. Then all of a sudden three people were posting like crazy, drowning it in threads that I considered to be spam. And to this day this hasn't quite. Month after month they continue to create spam threads like there's no tomorrow. The admin of the forum doesn't mind since they don't consider the threads to be spam. I've lost a good community. :( However that statement is nothing more than an opinion. In the eyes of the existing members the forum is still a good community. I still come by every now and then, but not as much as I would like to since there's hardly any interesting threads anymore.

One hard reality is that, no matter how much time you devote yourself to a good cause, no matter how much work you put forth for this cause, there still will be people who don't take it into consideration with their decisions. For example, someone who comes to the author of an emulator and complains how much it sucks. As a webmaster it's one of several things I've had to accept so I can continue spreading my happiness in good spirit.

■April 12, 2005 - conclusion of Spring Break '05

[Mood:Distinguished] Today ends my Spring Break, for today began my first class of the next semester. Because my school is transitioning to 12-week semesters (used to be 11 weeks), the Spring Break was practically 3 weeks instead of 1 week. So, what did I do the whoooooole Spring Break? Firstly, I did three juicy updates for my site. Secondly, I thought to myself, "WHY the hell am I desperately waiting for Warner Bros. DVD to release all of their DC cartoons?! I have the internet for crying out loud! I can just download them!", and so I did. I downloaded the complete series for Justice League and Batman Beyond. And I didn't stop there, I also downloaded the whole 90's Spider-man series. My collection of super hero cartoons is now complete (previously I had already obtained the whole 90's X-Men series through eBay). For the whole break I was swimming in a pool of nostalgic ecstasy. I now have every cartoon series I've ever wanted. I orgasmed time and time again watching these cartoons. I LOVE super hero cartoons SO MUCH. They're the only cartoons in the US that actually have good storylines, and in a serious atmosphere too! AMERICA IS VERY MUCH CAPABLE OF CARTOONS BETTER THAN ANIME. But how come we don't? Ah, because it is the handy work of the ECONOMICS PIXIE! Yes! The evil Economics Pixie derives the pleasure of its existence by ass-raping America from having good video games and cartoons better than anime. It makes MMORPGs excessively popular so that video game developers make nothing but MMORPG imitation games; even to the degree of destroying the beloved image of mega-hit classic RPG series by making their remakes carbon copies of MMORPGs (i.e. Sega's new Shining Force for PS2). And then with cartoons, the evil Economics Pixie makes all cartoon companies develop nothing but Powerpuff Girl imitation cartoons. It forbids anything that's actually cool to be made. For some untold reason it only wants all the good stuff to come from Japan. Fortunately, the super hero cartoons by Fox Kids and Warner Bros. Animation somehow managed to break the mold. However, I fear that may not last long, for Warner Bros. Animation has given in to trends and created The Batman. To make its content more clear for you:
Powerpuff Girls (cuteness ÷ Olson Twins) + Batman - dignity = The Batman.

■March 24, 2005 - Various recent happenings

[Mood:Mellow] To conclude the situation on March 4th about my previous web host, I got the refund. The billing lady finally responded to my original e-mail. She pretty much said, "Oh? You didn't get the e-mail about the refund? Well, you decided to cancel right when we were processing your next renewal. Sorry for the inconvenience." Okay, wtf, how vague and leaving hundreds of other mysteries unanswered. Well, I never got the refund e-mail. If I did that would've saved me the $40 in bank fees. I sure as hell received her e-mails fine. Golly gee. She's lying right in my face. Someone over there fucked up. But what puzzles me is the "you'll get billed the contract fee if you cancel within 14 days prior to the renewal" thing in the policy. Don't get me wrong, of course I'm glad I got the refund, its just, well, I don't know, everything seems so fishy. Oh well.

Toooooday I attended my university's (AIU) senior presentations; two of them (wish I could've seen more). I expected it to be boring. I thought, "Ugh, I probably should go see the senior presentations today. I bet it's going to be BORING, but I need to see what they're like so my expectations are set when I need to do it. :\ " They were actually fun. I'll have to do mine probably around November. These presentations are graded by several of the major teachers ('jury-based' grading). The first part of the presentation we need to present a made-up product along with marketing/advertising stuff, then we present our final portfolio, which is the golden portfolio we will be presenting to our prospective employers. These presentations are public, anyone can come and watch. So anyway, I attended today. The first presenter, I forgot her name, I've had her in a few of my classes, she's a cool black girl who speaks well in front of groups. She presented a music video with a beautiful Spanish song that had captivated her. The video was a slideshow of  illustrations. From an artistic point of view, I thought they were great. But from a designer point of view, they were crappy 12-year-old doodlings. She got chewed out badly from one teacher and the dean (the 'high teacher'/boss) - especially the dean, so much that it raised a curious eyebrow. I spoke with the girl afterwards when most people left the room. She explained to me the situation she had with the dean. To sum up a long story, for months the dean never transferred over credits that were required for her graduation, then a lady above the dean did it in an instant. Soon after this lady above the dean scolded the dean for giving the cool black girl such a hard time, hence the dean got embarrassed and pissed at the cool black girl. Given the evidence, the dean's extreme criticism toward the cool black guy was backed up by prejudice. Nevertheless, this is what the jury-based grading system is for, to make grading fair in the event that a specific teacher feels ill for a student just because they don't like him/her.

The next person to present was this cute little Asian girl. I've also had her for several of my classes. She works for a smoothie place called Jamba Juice. Her project was to present a series of new flavors for Jamba Juice. She set up a good bundle of advertisements, and she explained everything very well; it was professional. Lol, and she had one guy dress up in Jamba Juice's strawberry costume for her presentation. Afterwards she gave us real samples of her smoothie flavors. :D They were good. Then she gave everyone free smoothie vouchers. =D

These presentations got me really fired up! I SO want to create an impressive presentation and portfolio. I noticed that each student presenting had a focus. Like, if they're good at graphic design then they focused on mainly graphic design stuff. Well, I don't want a focus - I want the whole shebang! And I already decided on it! >:D I want to create a starting animation business and prepare the marketing campaign for their first cartoon series. For the company I'll create company stuff like the business card, letterhead, and the website. For the cartoon series I'll create advertisements for it, a fully animated Flash teaser, a proposed DVD boxset, and detailed coverage on it in the website. All in all, I'll be showing off my skills in every form of design: graphic design, product design, web design, photography, illustration, and animation. Yup! So when I say 'the whole shebang', I'm saying EVERYTHING will be my focus. I refuse to allow myself to be good at just one thing. If I'm not that good in one area, then by golly I'll sure as hell make myself be. I want to be the best. I WILL be the best. You just watch, I will be.

I'm still chuggin away working on my site as usual. I've been active in my project to create high resolution desktop wallpapers for all my sections. I've been creating several gorgeous vector-based wallpapers in Adobe Illustrator. My game saves campaign is going rather slow, but that's because I chose the wrong time to start it (which was around late last year). I forgot that many of my visitors, as well as those partaking in my campaign, are high schoolers. I'll need to be patient and wait till summer vacation to expect meaty results. I'm still working on sexy Flashes. I created Flash main pages for Classic CD RPGs and Dual Orb 2. Fairly recently I created Flash trailers for Secret of Mana and Ogre Battle. And I finally made a real anime update! Well, not officially in the anime section, but in my Tales of Phantasia site. Added juicy screenies and downloadable goodies for the incredibly awesome Tales of Phantasia anime. Speaking of which, episode 2 is coming soon. Bah, I usually don't put site updates in my journal, but, oh, I'm in the mood for it.

■March 4, 2005 - My previous web host gets the last laugh

[Mood:Pissed] On February 9th I get the official e-mail from my previous web host, BlueDomino, saying my account is cancelled. Afterwards I'm happy thinking "Ah, so this concludes my host switch". Yesterday I go to get gas, and to my surprise my Visa check card is rejected at the pump. I go inside to the cashier and my card is rejected in there as well. I'm forced to pay with what little cash I have. Confused and disgruntled, when I arrive home I go to check the status of my bank account online... WHAM! -$167 negative balance. I scream "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!" After examining my transactions I see an unanticipated charge from BlueDomino on February 18th is the reason why my whole budget got screwed. Enraged I immediately go to BlueDomino's 24-hour live support (its via a chat box). "Sorry, for billing you need to contact us between 9-4". Fucktard. Still enraged, I look through their terms of service for possible reasons I could use as a knife when I contact billing. Then I came across this line:

You must notify us via Email that you wish to cancel your account. Notification should be made at least 14 days prior to account renewal. If you do not notify us at least 14 days prior to your scheduled renewal date, your account will be renewed at the contract rate. Your account will then be cancelled at the end of the next billing cycle.

In other words, BlueDomino is saying "Surprise! :) :) " Well, I cancelled within 14 days to the renewal, they get to keep my money. I had their highest package and I had the quarterly method of billing, so that lovely charge is $104.85. That's $104.85 of free money for BlueDomino. One of the reasons why my current balance is so low is because two negative transactions were made. That means I was given two penalty charges, which are $30 a pop, that's $60 total. Oh, and when I looked over the terms of service one more time I saw that there's a $20 cancellation fee. Wonderful. I'll get it in 3 months once my account is truly cancelled. So the grand total that BlueDomino has legally stolen from me is $200. BlueDomino gets the last laugh for me switching hosts. It would've been nice if BlueDomino's billing department told me in their cancellation e-mail, "Your account is officially cancelled. Oh btw, we're going to bill you your contract fee one more time", which also could be reworded as, "Your account is officially cancelled. Oh btw, since we love ass-raping you so much, we're going to do it one more time by billing you your massive contract fee". If they did that I would've at least saved myself $60 in bank penalties. The lesson I've learned is to make sure to read the fine print of every contract. :\

Well, I'm not going to give up without a fight. I don't care if its in the contract - I want a refund. The weapon I can use is the fact that I was never informed of the $104.85 and $20 charges. It doesn't matter if the billing rep tells me "but its in the contract", it's poor customer service to give someone a surprise charge over 100 bucks. It's like a slap in the face! From noon today up to 4 PM (billing department's hours are 9-4) I periodically called billing. I got a voice mail every single time. Either they left early or they don't care to pick up the phone, or both. While enraged I contacted the Live 24-hour support and told them "Does billing ever pick up the phone? I've been calling all day and all I get is the voice mail!", and they just replied with telling me the 9-4 hours again. What the heck is the live support good for if they can't even help you in every area of support? They also don't help you when the problem is tutorial, meaning they won't help you if the problem requires them to walk you through doing something that is unrelated to the web hosting service, like assistance with HTML coding and such. They'll tell you to search Google for help.

I implore you, please visit my fantasyanime.com homepage and click on the Google ad on the bottom! The click will give me a donation out of Google's pocket. Every little bit helps; I could use some free money from Google to replace some of the free money I'm forced to give BlueDomino.

■January 26, 2005 - More lovely group work in my new classes!

[Mood:Pissed] Wonderful, already in my Entrepreneur class I have a group project and in my Business Practices in Visual Communications class I have a group project. The group project in my Business Practices in Visual Communications class is the one getting me worried. On the first day of class it comes to my attention that there's only 8 people in the class. That's good news! Apparently that's what the school decided for this specific class, since it seems to be a rather important one. Of the 8 students only 6 came, including myself. The teacher was quick to explain that we'll be split into two groups. We're going to pick numbers from a box to get placed in these groups at random. I immediately began observing the other 5 people.

• Person #1 - George! =D George is awesome! I've worked twice in a group with him, he's great! We work so well together. We always get the work done on time and done well. He speaks VERY WELL in front of the class.

• Person #2 - Some guy I don't know. He's seems a bit nerdy, so that's a good sign.

• Person #3 - It's that girl! =D Forgot her name. She's so smart, enthusiastic, and speaks VERY WELL in front of the class.

• Person #4 - A ghetto-ganster-rapper-hip-hop slutty overweight girl with tight clothing and too much makeup.

• Person #5 - Kristen. A ghetto-ganster-rapper-hip-hop girl who's on her laptop the whole time instead of paying attention.

And guess who I got!! (laughs insanely) PERSON 4 AND 5!! (laughs insanely out loud) ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?! I LOVE BEING FUCKED BY FATE. Oh, it gets better. When we got into groups GUESS WHO BECAME THE UNOFFICIAL LEADER? You guessed ME, RIGHT? (laughs nervously) YUP! Those girls have NO FUCKING CLUE! (laughs insanely again) Oh! Oh! It gets better. The next class Person #4 is absent. Four more people are added to the class and they're set up into their own group. Kristen and I agree to come to school on Friday to complete the group homework assignments due next class. Here comes Friday, and did she come? NOPE! =D I'm left to do the homework by myself! Yaaay! The next class, which was this past Tuesday, Kristen is absent, and Person #4 is absent again. Two unexcused consecutive absences means Person #4 is out of the class. The teacher realized this and moves another person into our group to make group numbers fair, a person from the group created on the second class. It's a ghetto-ganster-rapper-hip-hop guy! HOORAY!! Once he's in my group... oh, he has to go to work?? NOOOO PROBLEM, BUDDY! I JUST LOVE IT THAT YOU PICKED A CLASS THAT INTERFERES WITH YOUR WORK SCHEDULE. I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT I HAVE SUCH A GRRREAT GROUP!!!!!!!!!! You might have guessed already, George, Person #2, and Person #3 are in their own group. Fate put the best people of the class in their own group! That's GREAT! NOW WHILE I'M ALL ALONE WITH ALL MY GROUP MEMBERS ABSENT, I HAVE A PERFECT GROUP WITH HIGH HOPES TO LOOK AT, LIKE A FUCKING DOG GETTING TEASED BY A PIECE OF MEAT.

■January 24, 2005 - All about my most recent job

[Mood:Pissy, then relieved] Not all evil pixies that derive the pleasure of their existence by bringing misery to others are truly evil. Sometimes what they intend to be evil actually brings happiness and good fortune.

Way back in 10/23/05 I mentioned that a designer was so impressed by the software I was familiar with that he asked me if I was looking for a part-time job. Well, I got in touch with the guy and I began working for him during the holiday break. The designer's name is Fausto. The company is Into Tomorrow. This company is in a house. The environment is very casual. During the week there are only two employees: the president and Fausto, so it is a very small company. Every Sunday they host a radio show on new technology, which seems to be quite popular. On this event the rest of the company's employees come to manage the show, which are five people close to my age. The reason Into Tomorrow needs help with design is because they have a few side businesses. They create various newsletters and maintain a couple websites. The day I came in for the interview I found the company and its workings rather interesting. I agreed to take the job. Ah, but the key word in that is agreed. This was supposed to be an interview, of course I'll agree to take the job. The whole time I was posed with the question, "Yeah you'll get to do this if you decide to take the job". I didn't consider that fishy until later. The agreement of the job was to partake in an apprenticeship for 2-3 months, with 'some pay'. That didn't matter to me because what I valued the most from this job was experience from 'a real designer'.

Okay, so its holiday break and I come in for work. On the first day I come in on a Sunday (the day the show is produced) and the first thing I do is talk to the president. He's telling me all about the radio equipment and the tasks involved with the radio show. In my mind I'm like, "WTF?! Um, NO, when in the hell did it cross your mind that I'm going to help manage the radio show? I'm a DESIGNER" At the end of his chat I pointed out to him that I only wanted to help with the designing. He reacted a bit bewildered, but he accepted my wish. Never did they directly imply that they also wanted me to help with the radio show. >:\ Anyway, I hung around a bit and left. He told the people that I had to leave early, so that it wouldn't look awkward. The only reason he wanted me to come on a Sunday was to help out with the show. >:\ Before I left Fausto had a quick chat with me. He seemed a bit shocked and unprepared 'that I came to this sudden decision to only help with the design'. He told me that it'll fine for me to only help with the design, and to come in during the week to do so. So I came in on Tuesday. Fausto introduces me to the newsletters and the needed website updates. There are three websites he maintains, one of which is the company site, Into Tomorrow. They're poorly designed, full of tables and spacer images, and unprofessional. He said he would eventually want me to remodel them, but first he wants to learn how to manage ASP databases. It was a bit strange that when Fausto would ask me to come to work (there's not a set schedule) well, he would ask me. I'm supposed to be an employee now, but he's asking me instead of telling me, as if I'm doing this for free. For the second time to come to work, he told me, "call me around 10 AM on Friday and we'll discuss when you should come in". Okay, so I call him at 10 AM; no one picks up. I call his cell; no one picks up. At 10:30 he calls me back, "Oh sorry, I forgot I told you to call me at 10". I thought that was rather careless, but I pushed it aside, I thought, "nah, that's just a one-time thing". He tells me to come in at 1 PM, so I come. I arrive at the gate at 12:55 (the house is in a gated community). The line is busy so I cannot enter. The guard tells me I can't stay there. I go to the nearby shopping center parking lot and wait 10 minutes. I come back to the guard house and try again. The line is still busy. For a full hour I kept on going back to the guard house every 10 minutes, but the line is busy every time. I gave up and went back home. I check my e-mail and I see that Fausto sent me one at 1:30 PM, asking "What happened? Where are you? You said you would come today. :o(" (yes, he used that gay emoticon) I called Fausto and explained to him what happened. He said, "Huh? But I've been here the whole time and haven't received any calls... OH! Oh, that's right. I completely forgot to turn on the phone line" (apparently, the house has several phone lines). Wonderful. This guy Fausto isn't taking me seriously, so much that he's forgetting about me. This was it for me, I wanted out. I explained the situation to my parents. My mom was the one who referred these people to me since she interacts with them in the chamber of commerce. She said I should tell them I found a job that's willing to pay me $100 a week for 10 hours a week, because I need adequate income for my bills, and that if they're willing to match it. Hence forth I did present that proposition to them - and to my surprise they agreed! From then one I'll be getting a $100/w salary per 10 hours. I thought that was great! I worked with them for three weeks, around 5 days of my time given to them during my precious holiday break. I was thinking "Wow! They're working me so much! But that's good because I'm getting $100 per ten hours, so that's around $10 per hour"

They were away for one week to do a radio show at CES. During this week Fausto wanted me to create a new design for one of the newsletters. So I did, then e-mailed it to him. Several days later he replied, "That doesn't represent new technology well. And the colors are just... well.. ugly!" (note: those are his exact words). Okay, WTF? Talk about unprofessional criticism, and rather crude too. He requested several things from me with the newsletter. For one, he wanted it much smaller. I converted it from nasty Frontpage HTML to clean CSS, cutting it down drastically from 80 KB to 20 KB. Secondly, there was a column of vertically-stretched ads wastefully filling up the right side of the newsletter, he wanted it altered so that the newsletter's content fills into the column's empty space. I did just that. Did he mention anything about it? Nope. Did he put me in the direction he wanted? Nope. His "your colors are just well ugly" comment was all I had, leaving me in a boat with no paddle. I sent an e-mail asking him all the questions he should've already given me answers to. He replied saying we'll discuss this next time I come in. He said the same thing after I sent him business card drafts (a project I did for him during the holiday break). He said the same thing after I sent him logo drafts for the company logo remodeling (another project I did during the break). He keeps on saying we'll discuss this later and then it turns out we never do. I need professional criticism with my designs, that's how designers grow. Now I'm beginning to see he's not the professional I thought of him as.

When school began I presented them with my new school schedule, and from there he e-mailed me a proposal for a set work schedule. He wanted me to work almost 30 hours a week! That's way more than what I was working on my holiday break! I can't do that. The set hours he had on my school days were disturbingly close to my class times. I would barely have any time to eat or even breath! I'm a senior in an accelerated university. I'm going to fail all my time-consuming classes if I have a schedule like that. I e-mailed him saying 10 hours a week was my limit. He replied a bit disgruntled saying, "but you were working with us so much the past three weeks" (he forgot it was the holiday break), then he continued saying "10 hours is too little, I feel we won't get anything done in that much time. I just approved a $300 check for you..." then I lost it. $300 FOR 3 WEEKS?? $100 A WEEK FOR, OH, UNLIMITED HOURS?! So, they were never paying me hourly, just ass-raping me for pennies. If I was paid hourly, my check would be around $700-$800. Anyway, it was clear at this point that they misunderstood my original pay proposition. I replied to Fausto's e-mail restating that I cannot work more than 10 hours, and that I need $100 a week net rate for those 10 hours. I haven't heard from him since. Beforehand I prayed to the Pink Slip Pixie (image of her shown toward the right) that I would get laid off. It has been a week now and Fausto still hasn't sent me any word, so I take it he's doing the silent treatment, quietly laying me off. That's great! I wasn't happy with the job anyway. Fausto is just a 3rd rate, unprofessional designer. He was one of those unartistic designers anyway. His designing style was way too simple and boring; very geometric with simple design themes copied from other designs. In the end it turned that he never really accepted or used any of my designs. As I mentioned earlier, he never took the time to work with me to develop my designs for him. Now I understand why several people my age were working there on Sundays - cheap labor! Lessons learned? Yes indeed. The moral of this story is to make sure what your employer is going to pay you! Because they might have a hidden agenda to ass-rape you. And, never work for a casual business that is within a home!

■January 20, 2005 - Fiber goodness

[Mood:Glad for my health?] God damn, I had to flush twice today to make 'em go down. At least this is a good sign that I'm getting enough fiber in my diet.


 

■January 7, 2005 - New host! New Ramblings!

[Mood:Happy] Yup, I switched hosts. I'm back with DreamHost. Yup, the host from three years ago that couldn't handle my bandwidth consumption. These past years Dreamhost has been occasionally increasing the stats of their packages to remain competitive. My host, Blue Domino, has kept their package stats locked, so it would only be a matter of time until DreamHost beat them. And boy did Dreamhost beat them! With DreamHost I'm now paying $15/m for 7.5 GB of space and 192 GB/m of bandwidth. With Blue Domino I'm paying a yucky $35/m for 1 GB of space and 60 GB/m of bandwidth. Now I'm saving $20 a month! With all this space and bandwidth, I can put up some large file downloads and I don't have to worry about putting large Flash cartoons. ^_^

As I'm sure you noticed, there's a new main page for "Ramblings!". I'm in the process of remodeling "Ramblings!". So far "About Me Ramblings!" is halfway complete, all that's left is my Photo Album. I intend to upload more photos of my sexy body for you to look at. I especially intend to add all the photos of my fun-filled summer adventure in South Carolina. There's tons of art that I've been meaning to add to "Illustrated Ramblings!". I'm also going to add a Flash, "The Summoning", a short fully-animated cartoon I made. I might create some more Flashes for there. Sometime around I want to explore Flash with a purely artistic approach, something different from the usual RPG-themed Flashes I've been making for my site.

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